Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I discovered that my 12-year-old son has secretly been printing out and selling copies of the suggestive photos from my camera that I'd taken for my husband. He's been selling them to kids at school for a dollar each. FML

#20103277
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11726) - you deserved it (27909)

On 10/05/2012 at 7:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

#20098216
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11681) - you deserved it (22940)

On 10/02/2012 at 10:42am - love - by Queso Dog (woman) - Japan

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

#20108741
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11646) - you deserved it (29247)

On 10/09/2012 at 4:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

#20102773
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11074) - you deserved it (22203)

On 10/05/2012 at 10:56am - misc - by OhMeGerd (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

#20124147
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10917) - you deserved it (25406)

On 10/19/2012 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Czech Republic (Jihomoravsky kraj)

Today, my husband was planning on getting me my favorite movie as an anniversary present; I ended up buying it. He had to give me the money and leave because he is severely arachnophobic and couldn't even pick up the box. I have to hide the movie for fear of it being destroyed. Again. FML

#20134119
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10819) - you deserved it (2744)

On 10/26/2012 at 11:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my dad was teaching me how to drive. He told me that stop signs with white outlines are "optional." I ran through the next one I saw and got pulled over by a cop. My dad is making me pay the ticket for being "that stupid." Thanks dad. FML

#20129645
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10549) - you deserved it (34919)

On 10/23/2012 at 9:19am - money - by Dinger1992 - United States

Today, after being totally in love with a guy since middle school, I finally had enough self confidence to go and talk to him. Turns out he's boring as fuck. I obsessed over this guy for nearly 4 years. FML

#20123261
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9798) - you deserved it (30937)

On 10/18/2012 at 10:49pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my boyfriend and I made love for the first time. Before we left his house so he could walk me home, I fixed my hair by the hall mirror and joked about having serious sex hair. My boyfriend quickly reminded me that his incredibly religious mother was in the next room. FML

#20107434
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9702) - you deserved it (30618)

On 10/08/2012 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by blabbermouth (woman) - South Africa (Eastern Cape)

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

#20140315
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9697) - you deserved it (67573)

On 10/30/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by you (man) - United Kingdom

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

#20125076
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9453) - you deserved it (31870)

On 10/20/2012 at 9:57am - intimacy - by MIND BLOWING - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

#20138170
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9205) - you deserved it (22855)

On 10/29/2012 at 1:46am - love - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: