Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19605) - you deserved it (5067)
On 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm - kids - by TheVirginJenny - United States (Washington)
Today, I applied for a job as a secretary. As I sat in the waiting room, the interviewer came out with his wife. She gave me a once-over, then said to her husband, "Hire this one. She's so ugly, you would never have an affair with her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19602) - you deserved it (1076)
On 10/10/2012 at 12:15am - work - by caltech (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my husband and I found out that our dog was pregnant. He now refuses to have kids with me for at least two years, because he wants to raise the puppies without any "distractions". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19502) - you deserved it (2630)
On 10/30/2012 at 2:45pm - animals - by Lilly - United States
Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19409) - you deserved it (6717)
On 10/15/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19376) - you deserved it (2125)
On 10/02/2012 at 3:10am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I met someone really cool and their departing words were, for some odd reason, "We should totally be friends, I mean unless you're schizophrenic or something, haha!" I have schizophrenia. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19313) - you deserved it (1321)
On 10/30/2012 at 7:42pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19199) - you deserved it (1132)
On 10/06/2012 at 6:58pm - animals - by banj0 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19169) - you deserved it (961)
On 10/24/2012 at 6:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (19137) - you deserved it (4387)
On 10/19/2012 at 3:59am - kids - by best_mom_ever (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, the power went out at school. If it's out for more than twenty minutes, standard procedure is to let us go home. They came back on almost nineteen minutes later. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19112) - you deserved it (2784)
On 10/15/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by anon - United States (Virginia)
Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19106) - you deserved it (3447)
On 10/08/2012 at 3:14am - love - by stoych (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19103) - you deserved it (1930)
On 10/26/2012 at 1:58pm - intimacy - by fiftyshardsofbroccoli (woman) - United States
Today, I decided to show my friends the picture I drew, picturing the four of us in a zombie apocalypse setting. Turns out they never saw me as their friend and I'm creeping them out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19089) - you deserved it (6506)
On 10/22/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by Nana (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)
Monday 20 May 2013
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