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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, an unknown number left me a lengthy voicemail of what sounds like two people having sex. This is the closest I've gotten to real-life sex in 2 years. I listened to it three times. FML

#20058325
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28754) - you deserved it (9381)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:44am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML

#20067539
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28596) - you deserved it (5889)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by apparently inexperienced (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went for my follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He walked into the room and said, "I thought you died." FML

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

#20054049
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28264) - you deserved it (2759)

On 09/02/2012 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by ImOverHere (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so happy to be leaving the hospital after breaking my arm the night before. Just as I walked out of the doors, a huge ambulance team was running in at the same time and knocked me down full force. I now have a broken ankle. FML

#20091853
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28189) - you deserved it (2219)

On 09/28/2012 at 1:34am - health - by red_headforlife - United States (Arizona)

Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML

#20054615
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28004) - you deserved it (4641)

On 09/02/2012 at 7:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

#20051466
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27944) - you deserved it (2266)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after having a long talk with my mother about gays, she told me that she was totally open. I felt completely relieved, being gay myself. Seconds later, she said, "But not for you. I want you to find me a nice girl that can give me lots of grand kids." FML

#20070762
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27892) - you deserved it (4786)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:57pm - misc - by EvilMother (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants. FML

#20085042
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27754) - you deserved it (2095)

On 09/23/2012 at 12:50pm - misc - by creepedasfuck (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I'm so broke that I hand-washed my socks with a bar of soap that I stole from work. FML

#20058884
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27718) - you deserved it (2877)

On 09/05/2012 at 2:27pm - money - by Lauraborealous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

#20086703
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27680) - you deserved it (6067)

On 09/24/2012 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by disgusted - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my little black dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating. FML

#20080101
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27650) - you deserved it (5476)

On 09/19/2012 at 11:09pm - intimacy - by ClaireBear150 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

#20054504
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27639) - you deserved it (6757)

On 09/02/2012 at 6:31pm - love - by anonymous - United States (California)



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