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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML

#20081199
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25510) - you deserved it (1539)

On 09/20/2012 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by MistressSuzuka (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine". I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car and they drove off. FML

#20068584
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25264) - you deserved it (4400)

On 09/12/2012 at 4:52am - kids - by Bitchjackedmyball - United States (Hawaii)

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

#20095343
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24942) - you deserved it (2758)

On 09/30/2012 at 3:37pm - intimacy - by whatswrongwithit?:( (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

#20090883
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24918) - you deserved it (1448)

On 09/27/2012 at 11:31am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend of a month has a new girlfriend. That girl is my cousin, the same one who's been listening to my tears fall as I've confided my feelings to her for the past few weeks. FML

#20091337
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24794) - you deserved it (2014)

On 09/27/2012 at 7:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML

#20089025
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24712) - you deserved it (1319)

On 09/26/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by ahappypenguin -

Today, my boyfriend and I had breakfast with his grandmother. She told him how I'm prettier than "that Mexican" he'd brought home for dinner last week. We had dinner with her last week, and I'm that same Mexican. She then went on to how Mexicans are what's wrong with the economy. FML

#20071462
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24676) - you deserved it (2540)

On 09/14/2012 at 10:13am - misc - by MexicanMe (woman) - United States

Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML

#20088350
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24612) - you deserved it (1289)

On 09/25/2012 at 5:28pm - misc - by burn in hell (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, after having a long talk with my mother about gays, she told me that she was totally open. I felt completely relieved, being gay myself. Seconds later, she said, "But not for you. I want you to find me a nice girl that can give me lots of grand kids." FML

#20070762
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24602) - you deserved it (4408)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:57pm - misc - by EvilMother (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

#20054504
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24349) - you deserved it (6203)

On 09/02/2012 at 6:31pm - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got fired for saving my company upwards of $6,000. I'm as confused as you are. FML

Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML

#20055368
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24234) - you deserved it (4680)

On 09/03/2012 at 5:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

#20051466
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24192) - you deserved it (1981)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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