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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

#20052579
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34383) - you deserved it (10659)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got into an argument with my mom over her sexist, emotionally-abusive boyfriend. I told her that either he goes or I go. She called me a disrespectful bastard for not respecting my "new father." I'm now sitting outside a McDonald's with my suitcase, leeching their WiFi. FML

#20063189
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32850) - you deserved it (2416)

On 09/08/2012 at 1:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my laptop got hit by a Trojan. Not the malware, but a used condom thrown from a car driving past as I sat on a street bench. FML

#20091945
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32789) - you deserved it (2519)

On 09/28/2012 at 4:24am - intimacy - by iNearlyHurled - United States

Today, I had three things stolen: my phone, my iPod, and my girlfriend. All by the same guy. FML

#20094866
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32761) - you deserved it (2656)

On 09/30/2012 at 8:56am - love - by Shortround - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML

#20078825
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32476) - you deserved it (2416)

On 09/19/2012 at 2:24am - intimacy - by annonymous - United States

Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML

#20077937
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32469) - you deserved it (2225)

On 09/18/2012 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by useyourownbed (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I learned I'm not allergic to gluten. My mom has kept me on a gluten free diet since I was 5. She was convinced I was allergic to it. I'm 25 and I am writing this over my first slice of pizza in 20 years. FML

#20057669
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32447) - you deserved it (1814)

On 09/04/2012 at 5:38pm - health - by Emma - United States (Missouri)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. I've been secretly taking Welsh lessons as a surprise for him, so when I was getting close, I whispered the Welsh for "Don't stop." He pulled out and accused me of cheating on him with his best friend. He won't believe anything else. FML

#20057019
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32258) - you deserved it (4331)

On 09/04/2012 at 3:54am - intimacy - by gingerbetty - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML

#20070700
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32217) - you deserved it (7673)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:06pm - intimacy - by blueballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to suffer through a four hour flight beside my ex. Yesterday, I proposed, on the last day of our vacation. She said no. FML

#20083004
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32124) - you deserved it (2618)

On 09/22/2012 at 12:54am - love - by Flighted (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

#20094500
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32044) - you deserved it (5408)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while at work, I helped my ex-husband pick out a ring for the girl he cheated on me with. FML

#20082014
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31874) - you deserved it (6519)

On 09/21/2012 at 11:11am - love - by Sad ex-wife (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, my husband of five years left me for a woman ten years older than himself who lives nine hours away. He met her online two weeks ago while playing Call of Duty. FML

#20091576
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31583) - you deserved it (2404)

On 09/27/2012 at 10:14pm - love - by strawberrywine22 (woman) - United States (California)



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