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August 2012

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today I found out tat new usband is expecting two cildren: ours , due in January , and our 16-year-old neigbor's , due in Marc. FML

Today, I Tried To Explain To Daugtery Se Couldn’t Ave A Sleepover Wit Er Boyfriend Yet!! Se Said, "If You're So Worried About Me Aving Sex, Ten U Failed As A Fater Cuz I've Already Banged Four Guys." Mega FML

#19995628
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59056) - you deserved it (10927)

On 08/01/2012 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I had to finally accept that mah husband is too large for me . Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except mah private parts can't handle it . After several infections brought on after vaginal tereing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up mah sex life . FML

#20028986
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49732) - you deserved it (3591)

On 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by sal (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML

#20016279
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48086) - you deserved it (3159)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:49am - intimacy - by happybirthday - United States (Massachusetts)

2day I was on the bushen I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that mah mouth stretched and mah eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in mah mouth. Technically it was mah first kiss. I'm 21 yeres old. FML

#20014909
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41900) - you deserved it (4806)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, as I was riding mah bike, mah foot slippd and I did a slow sped-tumble over the top, ripping mah balls wide open. Number of stitches: too looool many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. fat FML

#20027548
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39566) - you deserved it (2323)

On 08/18/2012 at 1:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opend the car door for her, and out of habit, pushd down on her head as she got in. real FML

#20037909
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37308) - you deserved it (10864) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/23/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by thekriss - Sent from mobile version

Today, I witnessed ma girlfriend and best ( friend ) getting intimate. In a dim-witted attempt to cover up, ma best friend proclaimed, ( Tis isn'tat it looks like! ) I migt ave given im te benefit of te doubt, ad e not still been inside ma girlfriend at te time. FML

#20021726
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37150) - you deserved it (2152)

On 08/15/2012 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, my girlfriend, who I've lovd an datd 4 over a year, confessd that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" an make her guy friends horny. FML

#20013891
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37097) - you deserved it (4585)

On 08/10/2012 at 6:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, looool the condom slipped off, cuz mah boyfriend refuse to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms !! mega FML

#20018436
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36940) - you deserved it (5028)

On 08/13/2012 at 8:19am - intimacy - by hmmmm (woman) - Australia

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been looool having mah period non-stop fir six weeks. FML

#20022564
349 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36931) - you deserved it (4084)

On 08/15/2012 at 1:08pm - health - by theflow (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I ad to pee so bad tat I ran downstars wit no glasses on and stumbld into te batroom, alf blind. I sat down on te toilet and realizd just a little late tat my older sister and er boyfriend were aving sex in te battub.

#20042115
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36519) - you deserved it (3467)

On 08/26/2012 at 1:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)



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