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February 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

#18967800
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45503) - you deserved it (3028)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was on a date with a guy I've been crushing on. In the middle of the dinner, he said he had to go get something from his car. When I asked what it was, he smiled and said it was a surprise. I waited for my surprise for half an hour. Then I decided to pay the bill and go home and cry. FML

#18976256
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44948) - you deserved it (2321)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:00pm - love - by kingpig (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML

#19105085
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38440) - you deserved it (3398)

On 02/18/2012 at 1:34am - intimacy - by hatinthelife - United States (Utah)

Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML

#19000148
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36663) - you deserved it (3436)

On 02/05/2012 at 10:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I called my husband, who is currently stationed in Japan, to see how he was doing. According to his girlfriend, he's doing fine. FML

#19174580
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36236) - you deserved it (1826)

On 02/27/2012 at 12:42pm - love - by unknown - United States

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

#18964784
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35601) - you deserved it (2775)

On 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm - misc - by sorrygrandma - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I met my brother for the first time in 20 years. Everything was going great, until he tried to make out with me. FML

#19094213
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35524) - you deserved it (1974)

On 02/16/2012 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

#18974920
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33879) - you deserved it (1911)

On 02/02/2012 at 6:32am - misc - by aliezzedine (man) - Lebanon

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

#18983166
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33570) - you deserved it (6844)

On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML

#19159712
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31716) - you deserved it (2116)

On 02/25/2012 at 9:35am - intimacy - by fmylifebigtime - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because, I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

#19062488
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31098) - you deserved it (7482)

On 02/13/2012 at 1:00am - love - by Kevin (man) - United States

Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house. FML

#19113154
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31042) - you deserved it (6773)

On 02/19/2012 at 4:15am - intimacy - by meet Chloe - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they're like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

#19011478
363 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31008) - you deserved it (3812)

On 02/06/2012 at 4:52pm - animals - by BoringFucker (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)



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