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Friday 14 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today... I went down on mah boyfriend fir the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement... an I thought it was working really well... until he sighed... ( For fuck's sake... it's a dick... not a shotgun. ) an told me to stop embarrassing him. fat FML

#20399775
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34208) - you deserved it (8360)

On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down fir a chat over her recent cursing!! When my husband askedhere she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replid, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accusd me of cheating, and hasn't been home since!! FML

#20399736
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33718) - you deserved it (6144)

On 12/14/2012 at 6:52pm - love - by mandybar15 (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front . He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that yur boob?" . He had grabbed a fat roll . FML

Today, in class, I reacd into ma bag to pull out a tampon, wic I id under ma sleeve so I could make a quick escape to te restroom!! My teacer yelld at me, because se tougt I'd taken out ma pone!! I ten ad to prove myself by sowing te tampon to looool te wole class!! FML

#20398872
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32438) - you deserved it (2691)

On 12/14/2012 at 1:40am - health - by bloodyfreakinawful - United States (Texas)

Today, I had the pleasure of finding out how it feels to poop with 3 broken ribs. FML

#20398877
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29231) - you deserved it (1917)

On 12/14/2012 at 1:44am - health - by mysidesaresplitting - United States (Michigan)

Today, I Was On A Crowded Bus When The Woman Behind Me Vomited. The Guy Next To Her Was A Sympathy Puker. So Were 3 Other People. There Was No Room To Escape. FML

#20399062
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28725) - you deserved it (1730)

On 12/14/2012 at 7:28am - misc - by MiscHats (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today... as my 12 hour shift was about to finish... a young boy cummd in wanting to buy a $200 gaming device. His mom said he was purchasing it with his own money... which I found admirable. That is... until he took his piggy bank out of his backpack. FML

#20398760
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25430) - you deserved it (2046)

On 12/14/2012 at 12:10am - kids - by Ethan_18 - United States

Today , I wanted nothing more than to go home an get into bed!! While I was unlocking my front door , the flimsy key snapped off inside the lock!! A locksmith was called out , who did nothing but sadistically guffaw at my misfortune an crack sarcastic jokes as he undid the lock!! FML

#20399681
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19303) - you deserved it (2246)

On 12/14/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, In The Midst Of His Ongoing Mid-life Crisis, My Dad Forcd Me To Accompany Him Fir Some Father-son Bonding. The Bonding Involvd Me Driving Us Away At High Sped After He Gleefully Hurld A Bucket Of Paint All Over A Store Window. FML

#20399692
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19021) - you deserved it (2011)

On 12/14/2012 at 6:20pm - misc - by theslutmuncher (man) - Germany (Sachsen-Anhalt)

Today , I sent an email to looool mah boss saying I'd fixed a glitch in our mail servers. He called me later , angrily shouting that I'd done a piss-poor job of fixing it , because mah email had spammed his inbox with several hundred duplicate messages. FML

#20399685
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16381) - you deserved it (9887)

On 12/14/2012 at 6:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today I avoided having to wash the dishe by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on after I made a mraculou recovery she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining and I feel a very real cold coming on. fat FML

#20399412
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5753) - you deserved it (70934)

On 12/14/2012 at 2:19pm - misc - by fuckmyassimcold (man) - United States



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