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Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12559) - you deserved it (94879)
On 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by FakeID (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28570) - you deserved it (94446)
Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13577) - you deserved it (94074)
On 05/13/2009 at 11:35am - love - by your_mother - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19176) - you deserved it (94016)
On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24243) - you deserved it (93071)
On 04/18/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51252) - you deserved it (92832)
On 03/21/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by soliveyerlife (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8666) - you deserved it (92705)
On 04/02/2009 at 9:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my best friend who I've known since high school is getting married. I'm supposed to give a toast during the reception about how great the bride and groom are. I've been sleeping with the groom for the past 7 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7484) - you deserved it (92216)
On 08/03/2010 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Emily (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9964) - you deserved it (92188)
On 03/23/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by lily (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don't know what's sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn't hurt myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7417) - you deserved it (91247)
Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13663) - you deserved it (91193)
On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was playing Farmville all day, and I was really into the game. I was getting phone calls all day, but I kept ignoring them cause I was making so much Farm Money. Come to find out it was my son's school. He fell off the jungle gym and broke his arm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4902) - you deserved it (91144)
On 10/24/2009 at 3:25am - kids - by stewhart (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12110) - you deserved it (91016)
On 03/18/2009 at 11:47pm - misc - by its_all_legit - United States (Virginia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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