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Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML

#1900118
336 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19865) - you deserved it (134679)

On 05/13/2009 at 11:35am - love - by your_mother - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML

#310419
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15522) - you deserved it (134034)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:06pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

#618069
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37274) - you deserved it (131722)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D." FML

#29434
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12624) - you deserved it (131291)

On 02/12/2009 at 1:00am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML

#551399
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15697) - you deserved it (130963)

On 03/23/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by lily (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

#2681681
375 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49217) - you deserved it (130942)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:02am - love - by dawg3360 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my dad asked me if i started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later he finds my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML

#4092385
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9285) - you deserved it (130828)

On 07/27/2009 at 10:42pm - misc - by bbbeast (man) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)

Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML

#165039
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21780) - you deserved it (130769)

On 02/28/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML

#16519347
479 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12532) - you deserved it (129073)

On 06/05/2011 at 8:52pm - misc - by kringr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in, playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there!" His response, "They're not connected to anything," holds up the end of my earphones and walks away. FML

#2687233
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12704) - you deserved it (128413)

On 06/07/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

#4235040
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16202) - you deserved it (128313)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by jeeperspeepers (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

#1387325
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26482) - you deserved it (127640)

On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing and laughing with my new baby boy. He was giggling, and it was adorable. Out of nowhere I say "you're my favorite!". Now I'm sitting here talking to my two other children about how what I said earlier I didn't mean personally. They never want to talk to me again. FML

#1176288
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18333) - you deserved it (127246)

On 04/20/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Damnlife123 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



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