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Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don't know what's sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn't hurt myself. FML

#15753750
385 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10686) - you deserved it (124922)

On 04/12/2011 at 10:01am - health - by sadcase - Australia

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

#618069
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34246) - you deserved it (124770)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML

#1900118
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17255) - you deserved it (122940)

On 05/13/2009 at 11:35am - love - by your_mother - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

#2681681
371 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45376) - you deserved it (122571)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:02am - love - by dawg3360 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML

#165039
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19251) - you deserved it (122185)

On 02/28/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML

#551399
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13470) - you deserved it (121546)

On 03/23/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by lily (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D." FML

#29434
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10344) - you deserved it (121260)

On 02/12/2009 at 1:00am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

#1387325
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24097) - you deserved it (121229)

On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad asked me if i started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later he finds my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML

#4092385
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7693) - you deserved it (120859)

On 07/27/2009 at 10:42pm - misc - by bbbeast (man) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)

Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in, playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there!" His response, "They're not connected to anything," holds up the end of my earphones and walks away. FML

#2687233
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10810) - you deserved it (119708)

On 06/07/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML

#506231
382 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61607) - you deserved it (119672)

On 03/21/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by soliveyerlife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

#4235040
414 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14078) - you deserved it (119075)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by jeeperspeepers (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had brought her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the adderall they found in my desk. FML

#1021552
394 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24257) - you deserved it (118338)

On 04/16/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by hatetheroommate (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)



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