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Today, I learned that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I got it from playing too much World of Warcraft. I got a disease in real life by living in a virtual world. FML

#1879175
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25491) - you deserved it (139919)

On 05/12/2009 at 6:05pm - health - by Loser (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

#1712833
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32349) - you deserved it (138941)

On 05/07/2009 at 7:36am - animals - by MJ3105 (man) - Israel

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I met last night came in and said, "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

#797923
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13078) - you deserved it (138861)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:42am - love - by Jamie (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML

#192974
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28049) - you deserved it (138480)

On 03/03/2009 at 1:29am - intimacy - by imanidiot (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

#448904
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31348) - you deserved it (138234)

On 03/18/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by Melaknee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

#483516
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33615) - you deserved it (135118)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

#650213
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14894) - you deserved it (134447)

On 03/27/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Creep (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

#2597926
616 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10217) - you deserved it (134033)

On 06/04/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by soljaboy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I just woke up next to the most unpopular girl in school. Damn Vodka. FML

#228
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17960) - you deserved it (131785)

On 11/06/2008 at 4:43am - intimacy - by Ben-Ben - Sent from mobile version

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

#217290
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25269) - you deserved it (130399)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm - health - by ubbernoob (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was telling my boyfriend I had fake orgasms all the time to piss him off. He replied: "that's okay, I'm f***ing three other girls." FML

#214447
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50549) - you deserved it (130246)

On 03/05/2009 at 1:01am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

#4503474
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11258) - you deserved it (129623)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by Nick (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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