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Today, I called my husband and he told me that he was going to invite his friend Jeff over that night. I told him I would prefer that he didn't come over. He took it to mean that I wanted to spend time with him and came home with flowers. Then had to tell him I was leaving him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10447) - you deserved it (106421)
On 04/21/2009 at 11:24pm - love - by kellym (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24775) - you deserved it (105928)
On 03/18/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by Melaknee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I learned that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I got it from playing too much World of Warcraft. I got a disease in real life by living in a virtual world. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18249) - you deserved it (105491)
On 05/12/2009 at 6:05pm - health - by Loser (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13284) - you deserved it (104482)
On 05/24/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by AyoitsSteveo (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was telling my boyfriend I had fake orgasms all the time to piss him off. He replied: "that's okay, I'm f***ing three other girls." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42248) - you deserved it (103926)
On 03/05/2009 at 1:01am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24397) - you deserved it (103090)
On 05/07/2009 at 7:36am - animals - by MJ3105 (man) - Israel
Today, a man on the train asked me if i had any change. I quickly responded with "no habla engles". He then tapped me on the shoulder and said "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8106) - you deserved it (102077)
On 03/11/2009 at 2:05pm - money - by nthor (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was playing and laughing with my new baby boy. He was giggling, and it was adorable. Out of nowhere I say "you're my favorite!". Now I'm sitting here talking to my two other children about how what I said earlier I didn't mean personally. They never want to talk to me again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11368) - you deserved it (101892)
On 04/20/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Damnlife123 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27624) - you deserved it (101649)
On 03/20/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I got a letter saying I was no longer a student at my college and my current work is void since I had ignored and refused to pay my tuition bill. Over the past month I've been deleting these pesky emails saying 'FINAL WARNING regarding payment' thinking it was more spam. They weren't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22834) - you deserved it (101182)
On 03/13/2009 at 10:57pm - money - by goddamnit (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18658) - you deserved it (101162)
On 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm - health - by ubbernoob (man) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, my friend and I were seeing a movie. We ended up sitting next to a man who was continually laughing, clapping, and bouncing up and down on his seat. Extremely annoyed, we turned to him and told him to "shut the fuck up". Turns out he had downs syndrome and ran out of the theater crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19154) - you deserved it (100978)
On 04/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by katem (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31126) - you deserved it (100347)
On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)
Monday 20 May 2013
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