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Today, my parents made a list of all the things they could have done had I not been born. FML

by theunborn / 06/19/2012 at 12:42pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Intimacy

Today, my grandpa moved into the house to live with my family. Along with having to share a room with him, he swears that having the AC on will give him pneumonia, and he keeps saying he's "freezing" when the temperature inside gets below 85. We live in Nevada. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2013 at 5:58pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML

by ouch.... / 10/21/2013 at 9:24pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

by woopdeedo_1 / 03/07/2010 at 2:56pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Intimacy

Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair with her husband, my coworker, demanding that my boss discipline me. I don't know her, I barely know her husband, and I haven't had sex in months. FML

by kharrington / 04/07/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML

by Tootie / 07/30/2011 at 2:58am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I went on a date with a respectable, successful, polite, and attractive guy. Ten minutes into the conversation, I find out he's a neo-Nazi and earned a swastika tattoo in prison for "something shady." FML

by thatgirl / 10/10/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2012 at 2:18am / United States / Love

Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML

by wtf mom / 05/31/2013 at 12:20am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my dad and I had a yelling match about me "lying", because I was unable to contact iTunes support without a phone number. To prove a point, he went online to find the phone number. It's been an hour and he's still searching for the number. I can't leave the table until he has found it. FML

by SeriouslyDad / 09/22/2013 at 9:57am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teacher told us at least 7 different stories about his cat, Jeremy, and how much he eats. And he wonders why we never get anything done in his class. FML

by alicia75 / 03/26/2014 at 7:45pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, the power went out at school. As a senior, I don't show up until third period. When I got there, I signed in as usual. The office secretary waited until I signed in to tell me that if I hadn't, I wouldn't have to attend classes that day. Now I have to sit in class doing nothing. FML

by KCHS / 12/11/2014 at 1:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my 14 year old brother and 9 year old sister were fighting. My brother said "You suck!" to my sister, and she replied with "You swallow!" FML

by Zufallian / 06/02/2015 at 8:55pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.