Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, my boss at my new job described a client as "retarded". I corrected him with "mentally disabled". He smirked and replied "Whatever. Just explain things to her real slow. After all, she's 'mentally disabled'. And a woman." I need this job so bad that I'll have to just put up with this asshole. FML

by Anonymous / 08/07/2015 at 10:27am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2009 at 8:02pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my new job, I took some food out to a customer. Walking away, I heard a lady mumble, "Oh my God, you could never pay me enough to wear that." FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2010 at 11:13pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML

by wayne / 12/07/2011 at 5:28am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

by CaityLovesBo / 02/05/2012 at 1:49pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was informed that my boyfriend's mother would be joining us on our Valentine's dinner. I'm not sure if this momma's boy thing is going to work out. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2012 at 11:45pm / United States / Love

Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 2:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

by heatproblems / 12/19/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (Maryland) / Money

Today, I spent all day organizing a list of electronic parts for my boss. I found the easiest way was to color problem parts in the spreadsheet red and okay parts green. After I finished at the end of the day, I found out my boss is red-green colorblind. FML

by Colormered / 01/12/2010 at 10:08am / France / Work

Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML

by lostinspace / 09/04/2013 at 12:24pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking to work and saw three guys sitting at a table outside. One of the guys looks at me and says to his friends, "That's the girl that works at the grocery store. She replaced the hot chick." The other two guys glared at me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2009 at 12:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I received the newspaper from my hometown. My ex-husband's wedding announcement and picture were on the front page. His new wife has the same first name as me. All my Facebook friends from high school commented on how much weight I've lost and how good I look in my wedding photo. FML

by WasFeelingGood / 10/27/2009 at 9:32am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, while putting on makeup, I got a face full of bloody scratches instead of an even skin tone. Turns out my makeup sponge was full of bits of glass. My little brother forgot to tell me he shattered a mirror beside my makeup box. FML

by redisnotmycolor / 11/15/2009 at 8:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids