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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

#20097984
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25093) - you deserved it (2635)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:10am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sent to an elementary school for safety day. One of the dads was asking about my job, when I told him about the long hours and high stress involved. He turned to his son and said "Now see why you stay in school?" I'm a paramedic. With a bachelor's degree. FML

#899104
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51484) - you deserved it (2634)

On 04/10/2009 at 10:07am - work - by Franco (man) - United States

Today, my fiancé, his mother, my father and I went out to celebrate my birthday and our recent engagement. After dinner, my father and future mother-in-law revealed to us that they had secretly been dating and were talking about also getting married. Anybody want cake? FML

#4996665
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45481) - you deserved it (2634)

On 09/02/2009 at 10:47am - love - by BDayssuck (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML

#6382728
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29740) - you deserved it (2634)

On 11/20/2009 at 6:50pm - misc - by WhyTheEff (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out at every opportunity girls "that would be better for him than me". FML

#14449483
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26474) - you deserved it (2634)

On 01/03/2011 at 6:37am - love - by anon. (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I was supposed to have a double date. My date didn't show. I spent my day in the living room waiting for the pizza guy while my best friend and her boyfriend made out. The pizza guy never showed either. FML

#17036855
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32748) - you deserved it (2634)

On 07/09/2011 at 1:55am - misc - by supergingerr11 - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mother thought it would be a good idea to tell me that I was conceived on an airplane toilet. FML

#18728247
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30193) - you deserved it (2634)

On 01/06/2012 at 6:16pm - intimacy - by Gemma - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I've been struggling with my English paper for the past hour, because I can't concentrate. This is because my mom is in the room next to me, singing to her pet rat about what a cute little boy he is, in between yelling at him to stop "molesting" her. FML

#20452365
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31631) - you deserved it (2634)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:02pm - animals - by theycallmekitty (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I visited my family for spring break because I've been away at college and I haven't seen them since Christmas. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, my mom had me clean the living room area, clean up cat vomit, and do the dishes. Thanks guys... I missed you too. FML

#9047484
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22402) - you deserved it (2633)

On 03/13/2010 at 2:01pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook. FML

#14851025
54 comments

Today, I moved into a lovely basement suite. Unfortunately, the 12 year old upstairs plays violin. She also plays baritone. She said she alternates each day. FML

#18278500
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20856) - you deserved it (2633)

On 11/18/2011 at 12:54am - misc - by guest - Canada

Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only "sluts and whores" shave their pubes. She then told me that she's never once trimmed or shaved her pubes, because she's "moral." Thanks for that mental image, mom. FML

#18641701
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30135) - you deserved it (2633)

On 12/29/2011 at 3:16am - intimacy - by Grossed Out (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally figured out who has been stalking me for the past 5 months. And we're related. FML

#3945707
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44090) - you deserved it (2632)

On 07/22/2009 at 12:27am - misc - by stalkered (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

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