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Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

#449
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25952) - you deserved it (3463)

On 12/04/2008 at 6:16am - misc - by DarkPhoenix - Sent from mobile version

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

#14330238
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33093) - you deserved it (3463)

On 12/25/2010 at 1:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

#19964000
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26504) - you deserved it (3463)

On 07/20/2012 at 2:23pm - love - by Taylor (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML

#20665723
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50043) - you deserved it (3463)

On 05/15/2013 at 7:45pm - love - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

#21396858
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31829) - you deserved it (3463)

On 04/20/2015 at 2:06pm - animals - by craZycatLady - United States (Kansas)

Today, after going to college for 5 years to become an architect I discover my plumber makes more than I do. FML

#761
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23480) - you deserved it (3462)

On 12/30/2008 at 6:16am - work - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I asked my husband to come upstairs to our bedroom, thinking I could get some "special time." It ended up with us arguing about his mother, and him falling asleep cuddling my pillow while sucking his thumb. FML

#20113138
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22574) - you deserved it (3462)

On 10/12/2012 at 2:15am - love - by anonymous2.0 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was reading to a child during nap time because she woke up crying. She calmed down right after I began reading, but soon started crying again. I was confused until I felt something warm and wet on my leg. She peed on me. FML

#13728645
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25319) - you deserved it (3462)

On 11/05/2010 at 6:02pm - work - by Username - France

Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML

#13005012
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32886) - you deserved it (3462)

On 09/11/2010 at 2:59pm - misc - by wantontsu -

Today, I began to walk across the street when I saw a very familiar old lady struggle across it. I walked over to help her, and only after she had blown her rape whistle and socked me in the nuts did she realize I was her grandson. FML

#16919201
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43347) - you deserved it (3462)

On 06/30/2011 at 4:18am - misc - by John - United States

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

#20144153
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25245) - you deserved it (3462)

On 11/02/2012 at 8:17am - work - by PieterseMJ - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML

#20546477
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32555) - you deserved it (3462)

On 03/16/2013 at 5:52pm - misc - by Dat Stanky Mouf (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)



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