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Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

#19941503
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23950) - you deserved it (3243)

On 07/15/2012 at 3:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

#20156290
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21843) - you deserved it (3243)

On 11/09/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by baby, baby no (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

#20512577
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40754) - you deserved it (3243)

On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

#21247893
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48446) - you deserved it (3243)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:09pm - kids - by hannahka (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML

#21379225
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28679) - you deserved it (3243)

On 03/22/2015 at 12:03am - health - by noway - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

#5876001
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20140) - you deserved it (3242)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:29am - intimacy - by Ignitingmylightsaber (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, the guy that I have been seeing for over a year left on a business trip. While straightening out his room as a favor, I noticed he took his condoms with him. FML

#8892224
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28801) - you deserved it (3242)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:41pm - love - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was told that I may die by the time I'm 30, and that I should Google the disorder because he doesn't know what it is for sure. FML

#16909207
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41229) - you deserved it (3242)

On 06/29/2011 at 12:44pm - health - by Googleit - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got back from camp. My camp-mates? A girl who refused to shower the entire week, a girl who threatened to hurt me several times, a snorer, my princess of a sister who took forever in the mornings, and a counselor who watched us sleep. FML

#17316346
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35772) - you deserved it (3242)

On 07/31/2011 at 1:45am - misc - by Tireddddddd (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML

#16943359
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33653) - you deserved it (3242)

On 07/02/2011 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

#20033419
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26235) - you deserved it (3242)

On 08/21/2012 at 4:21am - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States

Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have to walk home. In the rain. FML

#7742819
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24967) - you deserved it (3241)

On 01/31/2010 at 12:07pm - health - by snidpea - Sent from mobile version

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

#14330238
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30356) - you deserved it (3241)

On 12/25/2010 at 1:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)



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