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Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

#18649632
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23645) - you deserved it (2867)

On 12/30/2011 at 12:38am - work - by Ashton Sprunger - United States

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

#19995801
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21527) - you deserved it (2867)

On 08/01/2012 at 1:44am - misc - by Emily (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

#20860284
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44300) - you deserved it (2867)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

#20914768
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37257) - you deserved it (2867)

On 10/10/2013 at 1:25am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that shirt sizes don't get longer, they get wider. Being 6ft4, every shirt I try on makes me look like a cheap stripper. FML

#20954733
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39744) - you deserved it (2867)

On 11/12/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by Pongy (man) -

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

#3426
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28192) - you deserved it (2866)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:25pm - animals - by MoncaBang - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

#5781865
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25446) - you deserved it (2866)

On 10/11/2009 at 7:30pm - misc - by washed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML

#20971159
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41742) - you deserved it (2866)

On 11/26/2013 at 8:07am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home after a long day at work, and decided to tidy up a bit before finally settling down to relax. I went to take the garbage out, when the bag split and out fell the trash along with hundreds of tiny red ants. FML

#20995776
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36544) - you deserved it (2866)

On 12/17/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized the annoying squealing I hear every night isn't my guinea pig. Apparently my brothers girlfriend makes that sound when they have sex. FML

#62926
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43491) - you deserved it (2865)

On 02/17/2009 at 8:00pm - intimacy - by KTK (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

#5660811
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35000) - you deserved it (2865)

On 10/05/2009 at 11:45am - kids - by musicalkitcat (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML

#15015231
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32406) - you deserved it (2865)

On 02/17/2011 at 11:33am - animals - by Aled (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML

#16384217
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37645) - you deserved it (2865)

On 05/28/2011 at 8:46am - misc - by mperh - United States



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