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Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

#20860284
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44293) - you deserved it (2866)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML

#20971159
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41742) - you deserved it (2866)

On 11/26/2013 at 8:07am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home after a long day at work, and decided to tidy up a bit before finally settling down to relax. I went to take the garbage out, when the bag split and out fell the trash along with hundreds of tiny red ants. FML

#20995776
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36543) - you deserved it (2866)

On 12/17/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

#3426
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28189) - you deserved it (2865)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:25pm - animals - by MoncaBang - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized the annoying squealing I hear every night isn't my guinea pig. Apparently my brothers girlfriend makes that sound when they have sex. FML

#62926
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43486) - you deserved it (2865)

On 02/17/2009 at 8:00pm - intimacy - by KTK (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

#5660811
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35000) - you deserved it (2865)

On 10/05/2009 at 11:45am - kids - by musicalkitcat (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML

#15015231
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32405) - you deserved it (2865)

On 02/17/2011 at 11:33am - animals - by Aled (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML

#16384217
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37644) - you deserved it (2865)

On 05/28/2011 at 8:46am - misc - by mperh - United States

Today, I went to college on bike through snow and hail only to find out my professor can't make it to class due to the weather. She lives down my street. FML

#20495386
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29171) - you deserved it (2865)

On 02/06/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by refticon (man) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML

#20910133
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42034) - you deserved it (2865)

On 10/06/2013 at 9:11pm - kids - by TeddyBearKiller (woman) - United States

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

#16527434
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34336) - you deserved it (2864)

On 06/06/2011 at 9:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

#17283376
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29403) - you deserved it (2865)

On 07/28/2011 at 2:18am - animals - by Tali (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML

#19989315
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25446) - you deserved it (2864)

On 07/28/2012 at 4:38pm - intimacy - by feminista (woman) - Guatemala (Guatemala)



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