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Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2015 at 8:12am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Intimacy

Today, I realized I wasn't getting notifications for my voicemail, so I decided to check it and found out that I had 3 job offerings that are no longer an option. FML

by thanks iphone / 01/30/2016 at 4:05pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I came home from school and found my mother singing along to her latest investment, a compilation CD filled with heavy metal covers of ABBA classics. FML

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2014 at 1:51pm / Mayotte / Miscellaneous

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

by youngboob / 10/21/2014 at 11:42am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2015 at 9:39am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Health

Today, I was about to kiss my girlfriend right as the clock struck midnight for New Year's. She put her hand in front of my mouth, and broke up with me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 12:19am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I went to my dad's house for Christmas. Soon enough, my grandma had commented on how much weight I've gained, my aunt asked me why I'm still single, and my dad joined in by reminding me that I still haven't been accepted into college. Only three more days to go. FML

by holiday from hell / 12/24/2013 at 8:12pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

by imblue42 / 06/24/2015 at 1:16am / United States / Love

Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said: "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2010 at 4:30am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe... with my foot. FML

by Bruce / 08/17/2010 at 1:09pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into a bad car accident, where I got severe whiplash, swollen knees, and cuts everywhere. I called my boss to let him know I wouldn't be able to make it in and he fired me for being 'not dependable'. FML

by in pain / 03/15/2011 at 6:57pm / Transportation