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Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

#20740202
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47481) - you deserved it (3487)

On 06/22/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a customer at work said his table was dirty. I asked which one he was sitting at so I could clean it for him. For some bizarre reason he got pissed and called my manager over. He ended up reporting us to corporate, and my manager got written up. He's blaming me for everything. FML

#21163809
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44113) - you deserved it (3487)

On 06/05/2014 at 11:16am - work - by DarkSerebii (woman) - United States

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

#21324616
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28288) - you deserved it (3487)

On 12/26/2014 at 9:58am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML

#5387422
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36985) - you deserved it (3486)

On 09/21/2009 at 1:31am - misc - by issy (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my pre-teen brother has started using the entire Axe line because he believes that it will give him an "edge with the ladies". He insists on using the products at least three times a day, including before bedtime. I'm allergic to anything that is perfumed. We share a room. FML

#20790014
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50833) - you deserved it (3486)

On 07/18/2013 at 5:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out. He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. FML

#5035637
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53769) - you deserved it (3485)

On 09/04/2009 at 2:23am - kids - by NotYourLady (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML

#14721795
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28385) - you deserved it (3485)

On 01/26/2011 at 4:49pm - misc - by Larz (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

#18803544
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27860) - you deserved it (3485)

On 01/14/2012 at 6:42am - misc - by anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML

#19448273
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41648) - you deserved it (3485)

On 04/11/2012 at 5:53am - health - by Scabby (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

#20779851
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54116) - you deserved it (3485)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, I realized that when my dad said he would pay for my college, he really meant that he was going to forge my signature on a student loan in my name and not make payments on it. FML

#20927730
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49626) - you deserved it (3485)

On 10/20/2013 at 4:34pm - money - by oh... (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my co-worker told me how "lucky" I am that I "chose" to be a lesbian, because I don't have to deal with "guy drama". I spent two years of my adolescence sleeping at a bus stop and begging strangers for money after I got kicked out of home. FML

#21427509
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36436) - you deserved it (3485)

On 06/17/2015 at 9:31am - misc - by Lesbihonest (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I checked my email after a week of no cell reception or internet while I was stuck at a family holiday cottage. There was an email offering me the RA job I've been trying to get for almost a year, telling me congratulations and to reply by Friday if I accepted. Last Friday. FML

#6960951
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29844) - you deserved it (3484)

On 12/26/2009 at 7:34pm - work - by Humbug (woman) - United States (Washington)



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