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Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

by { o } / 03/22/2015 at 1:41pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I won a raffle organised by a friend. I discovered one of the "prizes" was actually a present that I had given to her, that she had "loved". When I asked her where she had gotten it, she said, "Oh, just some crap someone gave me once." She didn't even remember that I had given it to her. FML

by Rhea / 10/28/2009 at 7:00am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

by puppielover / 08/21/2010 at 1:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

by zain / 06/04/2011 at 2:15am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my mother-in-law visited the house while my husband and I were at work. When we returned, we discovered she'd shredded and thrown away all the scribbled on papers sprawled on our messy desks. We're graphics designers. Those were rough sketches for about 14 different clients. FML

by Mirorbo / 06/11/2011 at 2:09am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was so broke I went to Costco, not to buy anything, but to eat their free food samples. FML

by thedri11 / 05/30/2012 at 9:52pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, my dad told me someday I'll find a man who wants a nice lumberjack for a wife. FML

by axewoman / 10/17/2014 at 4:14am / Love

Today, I found out my girlfriend is bulimic. Like that wasn't bad enough, I found out because she spent all of our rent money on food. FML

Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML

by drugbaby / 12/18/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, after my son graduated from nursing school which I, as a single parent, paid for with blood, sweat, and tears, during his grad party he was asked what his next step was. His response was, "Eh, I kinda realized I hate nursing." FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2011 at 12:22am / United States / Kids

Today, after feeling a little down about myself and looking for comfort from my boyfriend, he told me that my stretch marks make me look like a tiger. FML

by marquez_jasmine / 07/21/2012 at 11:08am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, a cute guy ditched his date and walked up to me, calling me beautiful. Not knowing how to reply, I just blushed. His date got angry and left. "Sorry. I take that back," he then said. "I was just trying to get rid of her. Thanks anyway." FML

by okaythen / 10/04/2013 at 5:37am / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Love

Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 9:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous