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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

#21266077
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35236) - you deserved it (3229)

On 09/26/2014 at 10:46pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML

#21356363
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31940) - you deserved it (3229)

On 02/14/2015 at 11:07pm - misc - by Rubyscooby212 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML

#21390594
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27055) - you deserved it (3229)

On 04/09/2015 at 11:10am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML

#4845223
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63808) - you deserved it (3228)

On 08/26/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by AreYouSerious (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was in a good mood for once and my professor looks at me and says, "I don't know what you ate for breakfast but you're really annoying today." FML

#21305482
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28575) - you deserved it (3228)

On 11/24/2014 at 10:25pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML

#21328278
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40883) - you deserved it (3228)

On 01/01/2015 at 12:47am - love - by Proposal Fail - United States (New York)

Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML

#5180863
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33841) - you deserved it (3227)

On 09/11/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by CollegeFreshman (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was driving home through the middle of nowhere when a screw punctured my car tire. I arrived at the town's only auto shop to find that it had closed early. Frantic, I dialed the emergency number listed on the shop's locked door. On the other side of the glass, a phone began to ring. FML

#3579421
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49208) - you deserved it (3227)

On 07/08/2009 at 11:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

#3613617
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45980) - you deserved it (3227)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:17pm - work - by ST3PH (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my long-distance boyfriend told me that he was going to pee on me to "mark his territory." When I told him that it was disgusting, he said, "last time, I just peed on you in the shower." FML

#8180539
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21258) - you deserved it (3227)

On 02/12/2010 at 8:34pm - intimacy - by rashree (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML

#13187772
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20323) - you deserved it (3227)

On 09/24/2010 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was the waiter for my family at the village inn. This wasn't so bad until I found out they left me no tip, only a napkin that said, "Get a haircut." FML

#17106364
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23519) - you deserved it (3227)

On 07/14/2011 at 10:17am - work - by alek - United States

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

#18506828
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43283) - you deserved it (3227)

On 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by neednewdeoderant - United States (Michigan)



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