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Today, my girlfriend started bawling, saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because if Justin and Selena can't do it, no one can. FML

by nonbelieber / 11/25/2012 at 7:55pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML

by Forever alone Guy / 02/19/2013 at 6:07pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

by trailertrashyanditsucks / 07/26/2013 at 3:55pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working in a call center at a university, someone threatened to report me to the President of the University because "I" wouldn't accept their daughter who had a 1.5 GPA and "got accepted into Harvard". I don't even make the decisions, I just answer calls. FML

Today, I got in an argument with an ex-girlfriend who kept tactlessly bragging to me about her new boyfriend. I told her to read what she'd sent me, then pretend her boyfriend was telling her that. Fifteen minutes later, her boyfriend calls me, yelling for making her feel sad. FML

by lucasbeck99 / 03/31/2015 at 5:35am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

by steve-o / 11/02/2011 at 1:06am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my "best friend" while I was away on vacation. She is now writing on her blog about how heartbreaking the whole situation is for her, and how she's "stuck in the middle of all this." FML

by sherrylynn / 04/19/2013 at 5:50pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

by Hammy / 11/24/2014 at 9:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy called me out of the blue. Apparently, he'd copied my number from a sheet we'd filled out in church. He doesn't understand why I'm "overreacting". FML

by janegeorge / 01/11/2015 at 7:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, as I was doing my make-up, I needed a Q-tip to fix a mistake. I took one out the box and put it in my mouth to get it wet. Too bad someone had used it before to clean their ears. FML

by idontlikebitter / 03/08/2016 at 4:10pm / Switzerland (Aargau) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2009 at 4:18am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I got a postcard from my boyfriend who is on vacation in the Caribbean. He's breaking up with me. FML

by dumped / 04/17/2011 at 5:12pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Love

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

by backtothelaundrettethen / 12/03/2012 at 6:40am / Germany / Miscellaneous