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Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

#20600180
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45755) - you deserved it (2841)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a customer broke my nose for refusing to give him a discount because the product he was buying had a fine layer of dust on the box. FML

#20736654
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40689) - you deserved it (2841)

On 06/20/2013 at 2:32am - work - by Whytetrash - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was at my in-laws' house, and as I was walking to the living room I had my hands on the back of my hips supporting my back. My mother-in-law told me to stop because it makes me look pregnant. I'm 9 months pregnant. FML

#20912417
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47478) - you deserved it (2841)

On 10/08/2013 at 12:30pm - misc - by she knows - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while I was looking for a file on my boyfriend's hard drive, I came across photos of a half-naked woman wearing my clothes, but whose head wasn't really visible. When I demanded an explanation, I realised that it wasn't another girl - it was him. FML

#581
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29082) - you deserved it (2841)

On 12/23/2008 at 11:11pm - love - by Lililaloose - Sent from mobile version

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

#5680173
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22516) - you deserved it (2840)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by Crappit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

#17283376
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29053) - you deserved it (2840)

On 07/28/2011 at 2:18am - animals - by Tali (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML

#19668555
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21972) - you deserved it (2840)

On 05/23/2012 at 5:14pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML

#19820234
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21930) - you deserved it (2840)

On 06/20/2012 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I accidentally bumped into another car on the road. The worst of the damage was a slight chip to the other driver's paint, but she played it up so much that she ended up being taken away in an ambulance. I'm now terrified that the crazy bitch is going to sue me. FML

#20158993
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24871) - you deserved it (2840)

On 11/11/2012 at 2:11pm - money - by youfuckingslut (man) - United States

Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

#19039920
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22323) - you deserved it (2839)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:51am - kids - by ilana (woman) - United States

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

#20686906
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52940) - you deserved it (2839)

On 05/26/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by gooddeedgonebad (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while working at a daycare, I had to change a kid's diaper. This may seem normal for a daycare worker, but not when it's a 7-year-old kid who is still not potty-trained and shat their pants. FML

#20846305
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42594) - you deserved it (2839)

On 08/20/2013 at 1:14pm - kids - by CrappyDay - United States

Today, I tripped and fell, damaging my sternum and making it incredibly painful to breathe in or out too much. About ten minutes later, I got the hiccups. FML

#20964854
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44681) - you deserved it (2839)

On 11/20/2013 at 6:53pm - health - by ChestExploding (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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Tuesday 22 July 2014

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