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Today, I called my Dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell was. She then informed me that our Dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

#3332242
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49600) - you deserved it (2852)

On 06/29/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by shroomda (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

#5482819
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32521) - you deserved it (2851)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was woken up from a nap by my cat attacking my face. Evidently, my husband thought it would be funny to shine a laser pointer on my cheek. FML

#5608454
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31130) - you deserved it (2851)

On 10/02/2009 at 6:23pm - love - by Zamaria - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was at my job as a flight attendant. A passenger on my plane stopped breathing and turned blue. As I cleared his airways and was busy strapping an oxygen mask to his face, the passenger behind him tried to hand me her trash. Apparently I'm a walking trash can, no matter what I'm doing. FML

#4100528
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61144) - you deserved it (2851)

On 07/28/2009 at 3:29am - work - by skygoddess (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I couldn't fall asleep till 3am and was woken approximately every hour or so. Why? I found out my new upstairs neighbors have a very active love life. She's a screamer. FML

#12404191
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32172) - you deserved it (2851)

On 08/09/2010 at 2:18am - intimacy - by SleeplessInSoCal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment. The shower head broke off the wall and slammed onto my head while spraying water everywhere. I tried to stop the water but only stopped the cold and got burnt by the hot. FML

#12638821
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27329) - you deserved it (2851)

On 08/20/2010 at 2:14am - misc - by home owner - United States (New York)

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Every time when I touched her, the jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

#19253707
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23410) - you deserved it (2851)

On 03/10/2012 at 8:41pm - misc - by Jimii Liu (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

#19838531
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30267) - you deserved it (2851)

On 06/24/2012 at 10:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing hysterically and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

#5770681
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26861) - you deserved it (2850)

On 10/11/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by foxbrat - United States (Hawaii)

Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time of year, and as a result I was using the heater in my car. Apparently within the last four months, a mouse managed to make his way into my heater vent and die. I can not get the smell of death out of my car. FML

#11164761
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31821) - you deserved it (2850)

On 06/13/2010 at 5:56am - animals - by spenmy - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that my new roommate got kicked out of his old house because he pulled a gun on his old roommates and threatened them. The reason? They nagged him about dishes he left in the sink. Well, only 10 months left on the lease. FML

#18314926
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26491) - you deserved it (2850)

On 11/22/2011 at 6:36am - misc - by Charles Pennington (man) - United States

Today, I was learning to drive a stick when a cop decided to pull me over just to laugh at me. FML

#19327826
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20868) - you deserved it (2850)

On 03/22/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by Chey - United States (California)

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

#19173617
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20382) - you deserved it (2850)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:36am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)



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