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Today, I had to get my hair chopped off for a role that I'm playing in a show. I was staring at the floor while the woman cut my hair, and I suddenly heard her start crying. Her tears were immediately followed by "It's okay! I have a friend in New York who can fix it. We won't charge you." FML

by Noname / 03/11/2009 at 1:21am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML

by onehitwonder / 02/10/2011 at 2:26am / Health

Today, my grandma moved in with us. Along with her 36-year old boyfriend that none of us knew about. FML

by moetplease / 05/03/2011 at 12:32pm / Singapore / Love

Today, after recently moving to America as I've always dreamt of, I saw my first, majestic deer. My boyfriend slammed it with the rental car. FML

by AmericanDream / 12/01/2011 at 12:41am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

by uvagirl / 07/04/2013 at 9:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an oral English exam to present in front of three teachers. Halfway through, I completely lost my voice. They failed me because they thought I was trying to play a prank. FML

by smileydays / 01/28/2014 at 10:09pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

by svenska75 / 09/03/2014 at 5:30pm / Health

Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

by smellyhair / 11/02/2014 at 6:28am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

by ADT / 02/08/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized build-a-bear. I thought he was going to propose to me through it, only to press the foot of the bear and hear "we should break up" instead. FML

by samgonzalessb / 12/14/2009 at 12:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad came home from a trip to Arizona and brought back special hand-picked gifts for the whole family. When he got to me, he smiled, and pulled out a free lotion from the hotel at which he was staying. FML

by loveyadad / 06/16/2013 at 11:46am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss pretty much told me that I'm too ugly to meet clients, and should stay in the office doing the paperwork. So basically, I'm a modern day Hunchback of Notre Dame. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2014 at 2:13am / Singapore / Work

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

by poorbastard / 08/30/2014 at 4:35am / Canada (Quebec) / Transportation