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Today, I found out why my five year old has been throwing tantrums while shopping. It turns out my ex-husband has been paying her three dollars for every public tantrum she throws. FML

#8051143
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36402) - you deserved it (3398)

On 02/09/2010 at 12:53pm - kids - by inthedark (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML

#8476151
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28325) - you deserved it (3398)

On 02/20/2010 at 11:22am - love - by Bilirubin (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

#16542876
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31114) - you deserved it (3398)

On 06/07/2011 at 5:28am - love - by S. Tucker - United States

Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML

#20541928
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34057) - you deserved it (3398)

On 03/13/2013 at 10:41am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML

#7842488
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28286) - you deserved it (3397)

On 02/03/2010 at 8:48am - health - by Scaredshitless - Sent from mobile version

Today, when I took a nap on the couch, a spider crawled into my mouth. How do I know? My boyfriend filmed it and laughed. FML

#12087035
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33955) - you deserved it (3397)

On 07/24/2010 at 3:59pm - animals - by Whateversz (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML

#20137933
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27808) - you deserved it (3397)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:39pm - love - by becca (woman) - United States

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML

#20500417
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35901) - you deserved it (3397)

On 02/10/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by Totallyscrewed - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while I was at work, I was on the verge of tears. My coworker asked what was wrong and I explained that I recently had to put my dog down. He then replied, "Cool story, bro. Tell it again." FML

#20565029
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39165) - you deserved it (3397)

On 03/29/2013 at 4:23am - work - by CoolStoryBro -

Today, with my name sounding vaguely like 'Turkey' and being in the phonebook for business purposes, people keep calling, offering to stuff me for Thanksgiving. FML

#20973255
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38338) - you deserved it (3397)

On 11/28/2013 at 1:26am - animals - by NotTellingYouMyName (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

#5716873
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17238) - you deserved it (3396)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:41am - intimacy - by JD (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a kid in class kept chatting to his friend, and was made to swap seats. Every time the guy he swapped with moved, the stench from his armpits wafted over. It smelled like nacho cheese crossed with ball sweat. It got so bad that I eventually had to go dry heave in the toilets. FML

#21050316
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38751) - you deserved it (3396)

On 02/04/2014 at 1:55pm - health - by even axe would smell better (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to cover his share of the rent because he didn't work during the week, saying business has been slow. I checked and found out he called in sick four times. He wanted to stay home and watch online gaming matches. FML

#21312891
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30652) - you deserved it (3396)

On 12/06/2014 at 11:52pm - misc - by he wasn't even playing - Australia (New South Wales)



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