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Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

#20677338
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44267) - you deserved it (3157)

On 05/21/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

#21346857
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33961) - you deserved it (3157)

On 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19925) - you deserved it (3156)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML

#16757277
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31025) - you deserved it (3156)

On 06/20/2011 at 1:57am - misc - by firethorn - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that the building I just moved into contains both a drummer and an opera singer. Both are very dedicated to their craft and practice frequently. FML

#17728385
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28133) - you deserved it (3156)

On 09/12/2011 at 3:00pm - misc - by OperaLover (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML

#18592801
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28678) - you deserved it (3156)

On 12/23/2011 at 9:24pm - love - by unwanted (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

#20799037
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44541) - you deserved it (3156)

On 07/23/2013 at 5:51am - love - by foreveralone (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML

#20838741
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51734) - you deserved it (3156)

On 08/15/2013 at 1:39pm - health - by Anonymous - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, I had an important oral report to deliver with a partner. Not only did he come in late and high, he pronounced Virginia as "Vagina" the whole way through. FML

#21257414
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35960) - you deserved it (3156)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:36am - misc - by Jamestown of Vagina (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I have the flu, food poisoning and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML

#8045354
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46599) - you deserved it (3155)

On 02/09/2010 at 7:22am - health - by SickSmick (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to Christianity. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML

#20131695
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24945) - you deserved it (3155)

On 10/24/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

#21107174
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45016) - you deserved it (3155)

On 04/07/2014 at 10:13pm - work - by watch_corn_dance - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gone when I arrived. I went and started playing with the kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to find them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML

#1043962
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58242) - you deserved it (3154)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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