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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I celebrated my birthday with a few friends at home. As I bent down over my cake, my friend pushed my face into it. The baker should have told me she put in a stick to support the cake. FML

#15914816
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36087) - you deserved it (3071)

On 04/25/2011 at 1:01am - misc - by Mr. Headshot -

Today, I found out that my mother is extremely emotional when it comes to animal deaths when a bird flew into the window and died, and she insisted we have a funeral. FML

#19441830
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18658) - you deserved it (3070)

On 04/10/2012 at 7:13am - animals - by tay (man) - Australia

Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML

#19841077
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28167) - you deserved it (3070)

On 06/24/2012 at 8:28pm - intimacy - by Addison - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML

#20816873
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48127) - you deserved it (3070)

On 08/02/2013 at 11:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to file for bankruptcy because my ex-wife didn't want to pay for the house she didn't want me to have in the divorce, and didn't bother to have my name removed from the loan before she filed bankruptcy herself. FML

#8604257
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23250) - you deserved it (3069)

On 02/23/2010 at 11:22pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends ranted on about how I am such a crappy girlfriend and how all of his friends don't like me. I just spent over $200 on a surprise party that I invited them all to last weekend. FML

#14597219
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24844) - you deserved it (3069)

On 01/16/2011 at 1:50am - misc - by me - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was so bored at my job as a receptionist that I actually got excited when the phone rang. FML

#18067160
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23095) - you deserved it (3069)

On 10/24/2011 at 9:33pm - work - by anonymous - United States

Today, when I excitedly announced to my mother-in-law that I was pregnant, she looked at me with a blank expression and asked me who the father was. She's 45. She's not senile or suffering from dementia, but apparently just suffering from being a chronic bitch. FML

#18834443
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35271) - you deserved it (3069)

On 01/17/2012 at 12:04pm - misc - by littlelottie - United States (Florida)

Today, after I had changed my number to get away from my abusive ex, my mom decided to give him my new one. She insists that I need to give him another chance. FML

#20556707
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50666) - you deserved it (3069)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was refilling some guy's iced tea at bandana's, and the uppity jerk had the gall to ask me if I ever kissed a girl considering how fat I am, how high my voice is, and how little money I make. FML

#4601
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29369) - you deserved it (3068)

On 02/01/2009 at 9:41am - work - by sportskidguru - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

#5227356
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38862) - you deserved it (3068)

On 09/13/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Casden (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I had to babysit two kids. I told them to stop fighting, or to sit on separate couches. They stopped. I asked why nobody would sit on the other couch, where I'd been sitting. They told me it was the couch their autistic brother often pees on. FML

#14792187
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27208) - you deserved it (3068)

On 01/31/2011 at 10:11pm - misc - by joxerthemighty39 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

#19123444
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19411) - you deserved it (3068)

On 02/20/2012 at 2:39pm - animals - by good_gravy (man) - United States (Oklahoma)



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