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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML

#8819773
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22894) - you deserved it (3168)

On 03/04/2010 at 7:49am - misc - by Heather (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I woke up to my kids shaking me, saying, "Get up, Santa was here!" I got up to find my TV, computer and MacBook Air all gone. FML

#14191427
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37757) - you deserved it (3168)

On 12/13/2010 at 2:32pm - kids - by crazycora (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, my dad woke me up 3 hours early, after I had been up very late the night before, because something "awesome" happened. Apparently the cashier at Dunkin' Donuts and I share the same first name. Thanks Dad. FML

#17329183
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27031) - you deserved it (3168)

On 08/01/2011 at 4:07am - misc - by tired (woman) - United States

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

#20189568
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38980) - you deserved it (3168)

On 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by karmamaybe - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML

#20770379
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45586) - you deserved it (3168)

On 07/08/2013 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After looking for the spare key for hours, we called our insurance company, who then sent a "locksmith" with a wedge and a bar to open my car. All he did was break the driver and passenger doorhandles. My stuff is still inside. FML

#20864245
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39838) - you deserved it (3168)

On 09/02/2013 at 7:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

#7199180
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23128) - you deserved it (3167)

On 01/07/2010 at 1:38pm - animals - by Flooded (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was delivering pizza in the torrential downpour, I waited 5 minutes in the pouring rain for an old lady to dig 20 bucks out of her purse. Her total was $19.99. She told me to keep the change and make lots of money. FML

#16781053
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33917) - you deserved it (3167)

On 06/21/2011 at 12:52pm - work - by micheal - United States

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

#18803544
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24402) - you deserved it (3167)

On 01/14/2012 at 6:42am - misc - by anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

#19201903
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21073) - you deserved it (3167)

On 03/02/2012 at 10:01am - misc - by types (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that because of my new medication, I can either avoid getting malaria, or have a male yeast infection. I'm stuck in Africa for the next two months, and have to sit down to pee because I don't want to irritate my penis by touching it. FML

#4421070
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41586) - you deserved it (3166)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:27am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Ghana (Volta)

Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML

#1935923
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34778) - you deserved it (3166)

On 05/14/2009 at 5:09pm - work - by overlandparkmommie (woman) - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a group of friends when I got into a conversation with this really attractive girl who I've liked for months. She asked me what school I go to. I sit to her left in biology. FML

#4961787
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39971) - you deserved it (3166)

On 08/31/2009 at 8:40pm - love - by outofluckdude (man) - United States (Arizona)



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