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Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML

#3264690
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66144) - you deserved it (2906)

On 06/27/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by OfCourse (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother got me to guess who she spent the night with. I then find out it was the gas station guy. The same creep that I've been complaining about because he hits on me every time I go get gas. Good pick Mom. FML

#14907704
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31252) - you deserved it (2906)

On 02/09/2011 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML

#18515573
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27459) - you deserved it (2906)

On 12/14/2011 at 10:34pm - misc - by Mariah Heimann - United States (Illinois)

Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to pick up her things. I decided to take a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML

#20170390
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21826) - you deserved it (2906)

On 11/20/2012 at 12:03am - love - by Chris (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML

#20501884
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34504) - you deserved it (2906)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. On our way to the Space Needle I was pulled over and promptly arrested. Apparently, I had recently purchased a car from a man who had robbed a jewelery store. The ring is now evidence. FML

#3860053
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55365) - you deserved it (2905)

On 07/18/2009 at 4:19pm - love - by diamondsareforever (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

#18304888
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30901) - you deserved it (2905)

On 11/21/2011 at 2:02am - work - by disciplinaryaction (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my "friends" set me up on a blind date with a guy who according to their description, sounded perfect in just about every way. He turned out to be my obsessive ex, and this is their idea of a funny prank. FML

#20402162
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29704) - you deserved it (2905)

On 12/16/2012 at 2:15pm - love - by lovelychris - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, I bought some really expensive face wipes that were supposed to cure my awful acne. I was excited to use them until I found out my mom had used them all wiping down her car. FML

Today, I called my dad to ask why my university tuition had not been paid. He said that "my school was too expensive and he couldn't afford it." He then asked me if I would take in his mail while he was away. He was taking his new wife to Hawaii, apparently it's beautiful this time of year. FML

#5603956
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37005) - you deserved it (2904)

On 10/02/2009 at 1:18pm - misc - by ill (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my cat was yowling and meowing pathetically outside my door, I checked she had food, water, and she followed me back up to my room. She nestled down on the radiator behind my desk, then threw up all over it. The cat sick is stuck inside the radiator, and it smells just lovely. FML

Today, I got a zero on my math test. My teacher was convinced that I had written the answers on my arm. No answers, just really thick, black arm hair. FML

#13380605
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29490) - you deserved it (2904)

On 10/09/2010 at 4:54pm - misc - by Sean - United States (California)

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

#19870178
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21648) - you deserved it (2904)

On 06/30/2012 at 4:10am - misc - by audreyav - United States (Oregon)



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