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Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

#5187639
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53828) - you deserved it (3264)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend called me at work and offered to take me out to lunch. When he went to pay for the meal, his card was declined so I told him not to worry and that I would pay for the birthday meal. He looked at me and said "It's your birthday?" He was serious. FML

#5565703
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35721) - you deserved it (3264)

On 09/30/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by Rockyio (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my dad recently created a Facebook account for himself. So I friended him. He refuses to accept my friend request. He did, however, accept my sister's. FML

#8686937
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27296) - you deserved it (3264)

On 02/27/2010 at 10:58am - misc - by msmusiclover7 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband recited to me the name and model number of every single weapon in the game Doom, along with what they did and roughly where to find them. Last month, he forgot my birthday. We've been married for 6 years; he hasn't played Doom in at least 10. FML

#21353586
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32012) - you deserved it (3264)

On 02/10/2015 at 7:00pm - love - by doomed (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

#21275026
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34058) - you deserved it (3264)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by JulietMarie - United States (New York)

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

#21369959
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35883) - you deserved it (3264)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by greatly disturbed - United States (California)

Today, my ex girlfriend that I still love sent me a text, quote "I still love you, but i'm not IN love with you" um. what? FML

#779
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25069) - you deserved it (3263)

On 01/07/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by wtf - United States (Michigan)

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

#14227030
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28638) - you deserved it (3263)

On 12/16/2010 at 7:20pm - love - by expassword (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML

#15881696
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36842) - you deserved it (3263)

On 04/22/2011 at 1:53am - love - by AngryBirdman -

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

#17039633
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31534) - you deserved it (3263)

On 07/09/2011 at 10:34am - animals - by iGreen - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML

#20679293
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43416) - you deserved it (3264)

On 05/22/2013 at 3:14am - misc - by SadPuppy - United States

Today, my water broke. I called my mom, who had agreed to watch my other two kids while I went to the hospital. When I asked her to come over, she just said, "Sorry, now isn't a good time." FML

#20781242
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47803) - you deserved it (3263)

On 07/14/2013 at 12:32am - health - by Upset Mommy - United States

Today, I went to my new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch, and every time he asks about my genitals, he winks at me. FML

#21237829
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40463) - you deserved it (3263)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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