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Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26443) - you deserved it (3003)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

#20746764
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35340) - you deserved it (3003)

On 06/25/2013 at 4:43pm - misc - by mymomplucksbutthair (woman) - United States

Today, while working at Starbucks, a customer spilled her drink all over the counter. After I cleaned up her spill and remade the drink (for free), she exclaimed "Thanks! I should really tip you!" Then she turned around, walked directly past the tip jar, and left the store. FML

#4511734
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42956) - you deserved it (3002)

On 08/13/2009 at 9:59pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML

#19961966
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34438) - you deserved it (3002)

On 07/20/2012 at 1:13am - money - by Rachel - United States

Today, I performed in my school's choir concert. The girl next to me started to pass out, and I grabbed her so she wouldn't hit her head. After we were done performing and the curtains closed, my choir teacher dragged me off stage and said I was getting an F for "creating a distraction". FML

#15368497
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37678) - you deserved it (3001)

On 03/18/2011 at 3:08pm - misc - by musicmaniac13 (woman) - France

Today, I finally found out who has been sending me hate letters, it's my husband's ex-wife. They've been divorced for 7 years. FML

#16778449
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30080) - you deserved it (3001)

On 06/21/2011 at 8:25am - love - by nasty_ex - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boss made me give a presentation to several senior company officials about the serious financial losses our division has made this year. Barely an hour later, my boss had palmed all the blame off onto me and gotten me fired. FML

#20605914
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37860) - you deserved it (3001)

On 04/19/2013 at 8:16pm - work - by unemployed (woman) - El Salvador (San Salvador)

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

#20946616
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33780) - you deserved it (3001)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Steiner (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

#5230758
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44912) - you deserved it (3000)

On 09/13/2009 at 3:18pm - love - by misc (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML

#20170920
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24871) - you deserved it (3000)

On 11/20/2012 at 12:23pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when this small boy starts looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kids face look like that"? He said it so loud 3 tables next to us turned and looked. FML

#330235
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47260) - you deserved it (2999)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:46pm - kids - by maximumpower (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was closing at work when someone came in ten minutes before close (2am) and placed a huge order. I couldn't turn him away because he's my manager from my other job. He was drunk. FML

#12807710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27015) - you deserved it (3000)

On 08/29/2010 at 4:37pm - work - by xharuki - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep. He was also completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

#17628781
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31432) - you deserved it (3000)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:00am - kids - by piece of shed - United States (New York)



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