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Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

#19475890
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22137) - you deserved it (3056)

On 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm - kids - by sigh (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I graduated from college with two undergrad degrees in biochem and wildlife biology, with high distinction. My mom told me she had found me a job at a petting zoo. I thought she was joking. She then said sternly "I want grandkids. At least you will meet girls there." FML

#1798855
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45318) - you deserved it (3055)

On 05/10/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML

#5225291
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32863) - you deserved it (3055)

On 09/13/2009 at 8:42am - misc - by Sigh (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, it's my mom's birthday. I woke up at midnight to be the first to tell her happy birthday. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to bake her a cake. Little did I know my whole family was going out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't invited. FML

#15067596
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36712) - you deserved it (3055)

On 02/21/2011 at 5:20pm - misc - by thissucks - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep. He was also completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

#17628781
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31895) - you deserved it (3055)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:00am - kids - by piece of shed - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

#19730259
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30979) - you deserved it (3055)

On 06/04/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by whattheheck - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, one of my classmates pointed out that our professor has a habit of sucking his teeth at the end of each sentence. I'd never noticed before. I can't concentrate anymore, all I can focus on is his weird teeth noise thing. FML

#18354788
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21374) - you deserved it (3055)

On 11/26/2011 at 7:18am - work - by taternuts - Canada

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

#20455938
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23617) - you deserved it (3055)

On 01/12/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by I'm screwed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the happy sacks. FML

#6452828
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27914) - you deserved it (3054)

On 11/25/2009 at 9:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

#12964017
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58984) - you deserved it (3054)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:23pm - animals - by jrad - United States (Georgia)

Today, I'm the coach of a football team. To celebrate winning a game, they poured a cooler of blue Gatorade over my head. This would've been great, if not for the fact that I'm highly allergic to blue food dye. FML

#16256468
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36276) - you deserved it (3054)

On 05/19/2011 at 7:32pm - health - by blue. -

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 am because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

#17507897
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25608) - you deserved it (3054)

On 08/18/2011 at 6:02am - misc - by boyfriend123 - United States

Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML

#18403998
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54633) - you deserved it (3054)

On 12/01/2011 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by sometingwong (man) - United States (Florida)



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