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Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

#20902425
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46305) - you deserved it (3431)

On 09/30/2013 at 7:54pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML

#21000904
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39113) - you deserved it (3431)

On 12/22/2013 at 12:37am - misc - by Isitreallythatbad, (woman) - United States

Today, my boss used Siri to settle a debate we were having in our team meeting. Siri responded by calling him "Daddy". FML

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

#3469
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23941) - you deserved it (3430)

On 01/29/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

#3613617
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48343) - you deserved it (3430)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:17pm - work - by ST3PH (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML

#20803187
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44904) - you deserved it (3430)

On 07/25/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my pre-teen brother has started using the entire Axe line because he believes that it will give him an "edge with the ladies". He insists on using the products at least three times a day, including before bedtime. I'm allergic to anything that is perfumed. We share a room. FML

#20790014
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49951) - you deserved it (3430)

On 07/18/2013 at 5:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

#20833620
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50016) - you deserved it (3430)

On 08/12/2013 at 11:24am - health - by nutfreak (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

#13904254
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26734) - you deserved it (3429)

On 11/19/2010 at 9:45pm - misc - by Dammit... - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML

#6811262
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34818) - you deserved it (3428)

On 12/18/2009 at 2:23pm - health - by drugbaby (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML

#6201657
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30600) - you deserved it (3428)

On 11/07/2009 at 8:35pm - misc - by AuntSucka (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML

#14886724
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38623) - you deserved it (3428)

On 02/07/2011 at 8:21pm - misc - by 5minsolder (woman) - United States



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