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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML

#11497127
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38405) - you deserved it (3324)

On 06/27/2010 at 2:03pm - misc - by ac13 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML

#17569578
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26309) - you deserved it (3324)

On 08/24/2011 at 4:33pm - work - by Meagan smith - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me that I was part of an experiment for her Sociology doctorate. I also learned that the notebooks she's been writing in for the past three years aren't for her "doctorate in literature" as she had told me, they were notes on my behavior for the past 3 years. FML

#5166110
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51747) - you deserved it (3323)

On 09/10/2009 at 9:37am - love - by Dave (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

#5676795
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57122) - you deserved it (3323)

On 10/06/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by blackedout (woman) - Singapore

Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML

#13005012
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30869) - you deserved it (3323)

On 09/11/2010 at 2:59pm - misc - by wantontsu -

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

#13688045
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24567) - you deserved it (3323)

On 11/02/2010 at 1:20pm - work - by speechless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

#19818500
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25723) - you deserved it (3323)

On 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML

#20174725
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24433) - you deserved it (3323)

On 11/23/2012 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancée told me she can't marry me. Our wedding day is tomorrow and around 20 of our 180 guests attending have travelled half way around the world just for the occasion. FML

#20918616
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54822) - you deserved it (3323)

On 10/13/2013 at 6:49am - love - by IDon't - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML

#20929509
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40404) - you deserved it (3323)

On 10/21/2013 at 9:24pm - health - by ouch.... (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got home early from work. When I got home I got to see my dad chasing my mom around the house, naked. FML

#9015230
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31089) - you deserved it (3322)

On 03/12/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by ugh - United States

Today, a guy at my work asked if I could fix his computer in his cubicle. The first thing I see on the screen when he logs me onto it is an anime porn game with tentacles. My boss walks by, stares at me and then laughs uncontrollably. FML

#14033332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30394) - you deserved it (3322)

On 11/30/2010 at 3:48am - intimacy - by Jack -

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

#19540366
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29731) - you deserved it (3322)

On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)



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