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Today, it's my birthday. When I asked my mom if we were gonna do anything special for my birthday. She said, "don't lie to me. It's not your birthday." FML

#21238688
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44244) - you deserved it (3090)

On 08/16/2014 at 1:09am - misc - by bad birthdays - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend said "You're a real work of art. You know, the abstract kind that no one likes. Anyway, we need to break up." FML

#21302073
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36272) - you deserved it (3090)

On 11/19/2014 at 12:40pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML

#7278236
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25588) - you deserved it (3088)

On 01/11/2010 at 1:08pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML

#20549421
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37866) - you deserved it (3088)

On 03/18/2013 at 3:38pm - love - by Maggie - United States

Today, an attractive guy came up to me and told me that I looked sexy in a picture online. He then asked himself why he had never asked me out before. Apparently, he doesn't remember our 6-month relationship, or how it ended when he slept with my sister. FML

#20548927
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42850) - you deserved it (3088)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:28am - love - by mcds2 (woman) - United States

Today, I got called an "evil Nazi bitch" because I let a customer know that this is the last day our store will have free plastic bags. FML

#20581805
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32651) - you deserved it (3088)

On 04/09/2013 at 4:18am - work - by steppppphhhhhh - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and best friend decided to "help" by assembling my new front porch while I was away. Ecstatic, they displayed their handiwork. It's charming how the porch is precariously balanced, it leans in such a way that it appears it will fall over if you walk through the front door. FML

#20876742
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35717) - you deserved it (3088)

On 09/11/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had to meet my mother. Being a college student, I decided I was too lazy to shave this morning. She noticed the stubble on my face, and started crying because I'm growing up. I'm 23 years old. My dad yelled at me for making my mom cry. FML

#6283375
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30903) - you deserved it (3087)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by stubble (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs. FML

#14963197
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25376) - you deserved it (3087)

On 02/13/2011 at 8:18pm - misc - by alice (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my son got to my great grandfather's old stopwatch, which had been valued at a very high sum, and broke it by twisting the hands in reverse. He says he was trying to time travel. FML

#19990926
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20679) - you deserved it (3087)

On 07/29/2012 at 2:49pm - kids - by oink oink fuck off - United Kingdom (Doncaster)

Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. 5 minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML

#20074281
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17910) - you deserved it (3087)

On 09/16/2012 at 8:36am - misc - by kacie smith - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

#21265921
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37383) - you deserved it (3087)

On 09/26/2014 at 5:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States



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