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Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML

#14991299
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29995) - you deserved it (2976)

On 02/15/2011 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by bitchasaurusrex (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

#21252441
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32125) - you deserved it (2976)

On 09/05/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

#2364469
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52336) - you deserved it (2975)

On 05/28/2009 at 1:04am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday". He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML

#16480266
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36624) - you deserved it (2975)

On 06/03/2011 at 5:57am - work - by xmeatballx21 - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML

#16479065
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25093) - you deserved it (2975)

On 06/03/2011 at 2:25am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom came back from a major surgery. She also had a yeast infection. I had to push the applicator in because she couldn't bend down. This cannot be unfelt. FML

#20641584
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48966) - you deserved it (2975)

On 05/04/2013 at 7:26pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my (now former) best friend kicked me out of the band I started because I wasn't 'dedicated enough' after a 3 day 'holiday' to visit my dying uncle. He also during this 3 day 'holiday' convinced my girl friend to leave me and date him. FML

#5287985
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53324) - you deserved it (2974)

On 09/16/2009 at 4:25am - misc - by dj163 (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I had a band concert and my mum got kicked out. She screamed "BORING!" in the middle of it. FML

#18803837
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25744) - you deserved it (2974)

On 01/14/2012 at 8:34am - misc - by katie876 (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33013) - you deserved it (2974)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my ex girlfriend that I still love sent me a text, quote "I still love you, but i'm not IN love with you" um. what? FML

#779
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22470) - you deserved it (2973)

On 01/07/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by wtf - United States (Michigan)

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML

#19528563
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23932) - you deserved it (2973)

On 04/25/2012 at 6:43pm - love - by anyoi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because I "don't know what I'm doing with my future". I've done four years in the Marines and am in the process of becoming an officer. She has a film degree which she has no interest in, works at the mall, and just moved back in with her dad. FML

#5186849
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42945) - you deserved it (2972)

On 09/11/2009 at 1:11pm - love - by TankTankTank (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML

#18429716
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43753) - you deserved it (2972)

On 12/04/2011 at 6:52pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)



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