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Today, a guy tried to pick me up with the line, "You're ugly. Just kidding. You're my date." FML

by thebigtwinkie / 09/10/2014 at 3:52am / Romania (Bucuresti) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to work with a great attitude, something that doesn't happen often. It was shortly ruined after some lady yelled at me because I accidentally shorted her one penny. Yep. One single penny. FML

by WhyMe / 01/25/2015 at 8:41pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I had a bad feeling about walking to work because of the weather. Instead, I drove. My car slid on the ice and I created a four-car pile up. All three of the other people involved have decided to sue me. I should've walked. FML

by krfenton8 / 01/11/2016 at 1:49am / Transportation

Today, I found my checking and savings account to both read $0.00. My parents transferred all my money to theirs because "I'm irresponsible, and not fit to handle money." I'm a 3.8 college student and have a full-time job. They are currently unemployed. FML

by Bummer / 10/29/2009 at 10:00pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, while sleeping over at my guy friend's house, I woke up mid-air after falling off his abnormally high loft bed. Luckily, there was a table and 3 shot glasses to break my fall. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2009 at 7:23pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on my graveyard shift at an inner-city backpackers lodge, a drunk pissed in a dorm at 4am. I had to clean up after him, wash all the luggage that got dowsed, clean up 2 separate piles of puke, and help 3 drunken Brits back to their room while they abused me. I have a science degree. FML

by underachiever / 02/20/2010 at 2:29am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past 2 hours. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 12:43am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I woke up at 4:40AM and went to the kitchen. My brother and his steel-capped boots easily found me in the dark. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2011 at 2:49pm / New Zealand (Southland) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2014 at 2:44am / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I found my first bra and tried it on. It still fits. FML

by Itsbeen8years / 04/05/2015 at 3:18pm / Slovakia (Bratislava) / Health

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2009 at 3:37pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because I didn't know what her favorite ice cream was. She says it proves I don't care enough about her. I don't think I've ever seen her eat ice cream. FML

by wtf3456 / 08/31/2011 at 5:16am / United States (Ohio) / Love