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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML

#19211891
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19692) - you deserved it (3021)

On 03/04/2012 at 12:51am - animals - by raven_teen_titan - United States (California)

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

#20764590
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52020) - you deserved it (3021)

On 07/05/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom decided to follow me during my driving test. She rear ended me. FML

#21092226
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41965) - you deserved it (3021)

On 03/20/2014 at 11:04pm - misc - by nehadrihan - United States (California)

Today, I let my mother use my computer for school work. Later that day my mom asks me what's wrong with the computer. I look at it, only seeing a "Welcome to Windows XP" screen. She said that she saw a blue screen and pressed L and C when it asked her to. My mom managed to clear my hard drive. FML

#5843241
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28961) - you deserved it (3020)

On 10/15/2009 at 3:42pm - misc - by artiemilano (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to break up a fist fight between two female residents. I work in a retirement home. FML

#20791178
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40700) - you deserved it (3020)

On 07/18/2013 at 9:03pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my apartment building shut off our water for a short period of time because the pipes were being worked on. It was also the morning my dog had diarrhea on my cream carpet. Not only did I have to clean it up without water, I couldn't wash my hands afterward. FML

#13801774
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27329) - you deserved it (3019)

On 11/11/2010 at 1:02pm - animals - by jordanss - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

#20167650
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21605) - you deserved it (3019)

On 11/18/2012 at 2:45am - love - by jasmith - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML

#20549421
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37151) - you deserved it (3019)

On 03/18/2013 at 3:38pm - love - by Maggie - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I spent all day in bed, sick with the flu. My boyfriend then broke up with me by text, because he didn't want to risk getting sick by doing it in person. FML

#20838443
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50580) - you deserved it (3019)

On 08/15/2013 at 7:28am - love - by Rachel8896 - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML

#20860571
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36901) - you deserved it (3019)

On 08/30/2013 at 5:05pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in the change room at the local YMCA. I went to use the hair dryer but couldn't because a naked old man was bent over, butt cheeks spread wide with his hands, and ass aimed at the dryer. He seemed to be enjoying it. FML

#216994
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52156) - you deserved it (3018)

On 03/05/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by nuberific (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

#3924296
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45451) - you deserved it (3018)

On 07/21/2009 at 4:49am - misc - by nottananny (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a customer came in who only spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish rather well so I helped the customer. She ended up buying $2300 worth of stuff. I got written up because not speaking English apparently "has the potential be offensive to other customers if they are not able to understand you". FML

#5033562
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53103) - you deserved it (3018)

On 09/04/2009 at 12:31am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



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