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Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

#4156027
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53548) - you deserved it (3159)

On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

#8835059
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20133) - you deserved it (3159)

On 03/04/2010 at 10:51pm - misc - by Grossed_out (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at 21 years of age, my doctor confirmed that I am, indeed, going bald. It wouldn't be such a bad thing, even expected, if I wasn't a woman. FML

#15385853
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41816) - you deserved it (3159)

On 03/19/2011 at 5:13pm - health - by Jessica - Romania (Neamt)

Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML

#17754607
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26147) - you deserved it (3159)

On 09/15/2011 at 10:38pm - work - by MrTandy - United States (New York)

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

#15999869
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30521) - you deserved it (3159)

On 05/01/2011 at 2:02am - misc - by rb - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He arrested him for drunk driving. FML

#19860817
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24678) - you deserved it (3159)

On 06/28/2012 at 2:11pm - love - by daniella101 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

#3924296
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47107) - you deserved it (3158)

On 07/21/2009 at 4:49am - misc - by nottananny (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML

Today, I found out I need serious surgery on my right knee to remove a tumor growing underneath it. I will not be able to walk for 3 weeks, and the doctor told me to take off for 5 months from work just for full recovery. My father's response, "You'll do anything not to work." FML

Today, I was driving out to a concert I've been excited about for months. I was using my GPS to guide me to the venue. It decided to guide me to an abandoned warehouse in the middle of town. FML

#20021994
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18199) - you deserved it (3157)

On 08/15/2012 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

#20677338
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44228) - you deserved it (3157)

On 05/21/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while at work, I had to spend an hour and a half on the phone, listening to an old lady relive her entire day in excruciating detail. We're not allowed to hang up on customers, and she was extremely quick to dismiss all my attempts to steer the call back on topic. FML

#21308187
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28901) - you deserved it (3157)

On 11/29/2014 at 2:45pm - work - by gotta euthanize em all (man) - Canada



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