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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boss told me to cut my long hair. After coming back to work with a clean cut hairstyle, he apparently thought I was the new guy, and said I was going to be trained by "The long-haired girly-looking idiot." FML

#20163115
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26905) - you deserved it (3673)

On 11/14/2012 at 1:10pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML

#20403025
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34598) - you deserved it (3673)

On 12/17/2012 at 12:08am - misc - by Cold (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was supposed to be studying for an important exam. My parents decided to make me go to a surprise birthday party instead. We weren't allowed to leave until the party was over. The party was for the dog. FML

#21073158
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43579) - you deserved it (3673)

On 02/27/2014 at 1:30pm - animals - by SchoolFMLs (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was going running. It was an especially windy day and things were flying through the wind. Apparently, bodily fluid can also fly through the wind. Turns out, a women was barfing over a bridge and the wind caught it and it flew through the air. Right into my face and body. FML

#879830
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82285) - you deserved it (3672)

On 04/09/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by fedlife (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

#7340967
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26643) - you deserved it (3672)

On 01/14/2010 at 4:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked past two guys on the street. I heard one of them whisper, "Jeez, that girl looks like Donald Trump." FML

#13268131
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26422) - you deserved it (3672)

On 09/30/2010 at 8:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at work, I spent half an hour on the phone with a customer. At the end of the conversation, as he was putting down the phone, I heard him say 'God, he was a miserable git'. I'm a 28 year old woman. FML

#14637512
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23503) - you deserved it (3672)

On 01/19/2011 at 9:55am - work - by tgpgs -

Today, I found out my ex is applying for a job at my current company. She may be my boss. FML

#17384271
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30862) - you deserved it (3672)

On 08/06/2011 at 2:05am - work - by - Moved Across the Country (man) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

#16605468
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46270) - you deserved it (3672)

On 06/11/2011 at 1:47am - love - by Username - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. He was drunk and won't remember any of this tomorrow. FML

#18101640
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33907) - you deserved it (3672)

On 10/29/2011 at 4:56am - love - by cai - United States

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

#17496000
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31452) - you deserved it (3672)

On 08/17/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML

#19276997
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23455) - you deserved it (3672)

On 03/14/2012 at 11:19am - money - by me - United States (Florida)

Today, is my little sister's 16th birthday. I spent my last $20 on a gift for her, cleaned the house for her party, made an ice cream cake, and got her a rose. What did I get? "I hope you kept the receipt for this. Oh, and stay in your room during my party." FML

#20988657
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54526) - you deserved it (3672)

On 12/11/2013 at 3:25am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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