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Today, I took my friend with me for a radiology scan. While I was getting injections, my friend muttered, "On the bright side, if you die, you'll glow in the dark at the funeral." FML

#17952453
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23665) - you deserved it (3169)

On 10/10/2011 at 3:06pm - health - by radioactiveglowinthedarkthing (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I turned around after loading the washing machine to discover my husband's 89-year-old grandmother dropping her pants. She looked at me and said, "I hope you don't mind but when you got to go, you got to go." She then sat down on the toilet and let out a loud, long fart. FML

#20857413
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35829) - you deserved it (3169)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:48am - misc - by Grandmas lost it - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking down the street when a man stole my purse. He then opened the purse, threw up in it, and gave it back. FML

#20852114
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44518) - you deserved it (3169)

On 08/24/2013 at 10:55am - misc - by cassidy_smith12 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and best friend decided to "help" by assembling my new front porch while I was away. Ecstatic, they displayed their handiwork. It's charming how the porch is precariously balanced, it leans in such a way that it appears it will fall over if you walk through the front door. FML

#20876742
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36602) - you deserved it (3169)

On 09/11/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking down the hall from the livingroom. I overheard my mom telling someone how proud she was of her baby girl and how much she loved her. I thought she was referring to my first ever all "A" report card. Turns out my new kitten used its litter box correctly for the first time. FML

#5990004
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26812) - you deserved it (3168)

On 10/25/2009 at 12:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I woke up to my kids shaking me, saying, "Get up, Santa was here!" I got up to find my TV, computer and MacBook Air all gone. FML

#14191427
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37707) - you deserved it (3168)

On 12/13/2010 at 2:32pm - kids - by crazycora (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

#20723415
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47659) - you deserved it (3168)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

#20829558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44202) - you deserved it (3168)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm - work - by pardon my English :$ (woman) - France

Today, after wondering why I've never met my father, I asked my mom if I was the product of a one night stand. She replied with, "Well, technically he didn't spend the night." FML

#13927499
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28098) - you deserved it (3167)

On 11/21/2010 at 6:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, my dad woke me up 3 hours early, after I had been up very late the night before, because something "awesome" happened. Apparently the cashier at Dunkin' Donuts and I share the same first name. Thanks Dad. FML

#17329183
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27006) - you deserved it (3167)

On 08/01/2011 at 4:07am - misc - by tired (woman) - United States

Today, a co-worker passed me a note with information about one of our cute, new co-workers I was interested in. Her report? Simple: "Lesbian. Try again. They're EVERYWHERE!" FML

#18895505
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20208) - you deserved it (3167)

On 01/23/2012 at 11:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

#18803544
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24370) - you deserved it (3167)

On 01/14/2012 at 6:42am - misc - by anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML

#20770379
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45540) - you deserved it (3167)

On 07/08/2013 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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