Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML

#19698892
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18014) - you deserved it (3032)

On 05/29/2012 at 1:10pm - misc - by cunting cunts (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I slipped on the ice in front of my apartment, spraining my ankle and cracking a rib. While I laid on the ground immediately after, my neighbor chewed me out for saying "shit" in front of her 4-year-old on my way down. FML

#206067
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58965) - you deserved it (3031)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:03pm - misc - by stupidneighbor (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to "come shut me up if you think you're tough enough." FML

#19260782
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24483) - you deserved it (3031)

On 03/11/2012 at 10:49pm - misc - by me (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

#20095343
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27706) - you deserved it (3031)

On 09/30/2012 at 3:37pm - intimacy - by whatswrongwithit?:( (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got my report card from school. I pulled my grade up in Algebra from a D to an A. My parents told me that they never expected me to accomplish this, and good job but they've already enrolled me in boarding school. So much for all that extra credit and staying late after school to study. FML

#6900701
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28240) - you deserved it (3030)

On 12/23/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by bee (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my 7 year old brother decided that it would be fun to cut off my hair. I woke from a long nap after working the late shift, to about 15 inches of my long blonde hair all over my bed and floor. I now have bloody bald spots and really choppy hair about 3 inches long. He got away with it. FML

#6120189
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47228) - you deserved it (3030)

On 11/02/2009 at 3:04pm - misc - by baldygirl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was training a new guy at work, my husband spent half the day creeping outside in his truck. FML

#17868574
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22295) - you deserved it (3030)

On 09/30/2011 at 1:01am - love - by Cristie - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my best friend thought the best time to tell me she was sleeping with my boyfriend was while we were acting in a play. FML

#16323253
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39381) - you deserved it (3030)

On 05/24/2011 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving home from work with the window down. I felt what I thought was rain coming through the window, until I looked over and realized it was urine mist coming from the cattle truck next to me. FML

#18195085
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30928) - you deserved it (3030)

On 11/08/2011 at 6:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML

#19276990
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24910) - you deserved it (3030)

On 03/14/2012 at 11:17am - misc - by S. Michaels (man) - United States

Today, my uncle gave me a lecture on how I eat too much "unhealthy" junk food, and that it can be very harmful for me. All the while smoking a cigarette. FML

#19741419
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19217) - you deserved it (3030)

On 06/05/2012 at 10:59pm - health - by Singapore - United States (New York)

Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML

#19853920
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35187) - you deserved it (3030)

On 06/27/2012 at 1:05am - love - by tammy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my estranged father, with whom I haven't spoken in years, called me and demanded to know where his Father's Day gift was. FML

#20729234
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41634) - you deserved it (3030)

On 06/16/2013 at 12:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: