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Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

#5895637
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27283) - you deserved it (3476)

On 10/19/2009 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by Geez (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML

#18814667
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28177) - you deserved it (3476) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/15/2012 at 1:14pm - love - by Vitriol (man) - France

Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML

#18121591
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35534) - you deserved it (3476)

On 10/31/2011 at 4:06pm - love - by poopcoloredeyes (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while lying in bed cuddling with my cat after getting stood up, I found out that even 80-year-old Charles Manson is engaged to be married. FML

#21301256
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32337) - you deserved it (3476)

On 11/18/2014 at 5:41am - love - by jessiejaybee (woman) - United States

Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML

#161850
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52301) - you deserved it (3475)

On 02/28/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by AnnaMarie. (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found a note on my door that said "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked". Later, I found another note that said "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

#3041162
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46984) - you deserved it (3475)

On 06/19/2009 at 8:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, the boys who sit at my math table decided it would be funny to throw broken pencils at my boobs to see if they were real. They did this the entire class period. I have to work with this group for the rest of the school year. FML

#17867072
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28222) - you deserved it (3475)

On 09/29/2011 at 9:56pm - misc - by hellokitty133 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

#21320982
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28821) - you deserved it (3475)

On 12/20/2014 at 3:45pm - love - by KalaKa (man) - United States

Today, my mother requested that I return the $500 she had previously given me to help me pay for college. Her reasoning? "You work three jobs, you can afford it." I work three jobs because she decided buying herself a car was more important than my schooling. FML

Today, my mom came over to visit and permed my hair. Ten minutes after she started, I told her it was burning. She told me to suck it up because it doesn't hurt that badly. I now have scabs all over my scalp, hairline, and nape. FML

#8443272
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24405) - you deserved it (3474)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:24pm - love - by sexxibxmami - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML

#13187772
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22886) - you deserved it (3474)

On 09/24/2010 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my English teacher kicked me out of class for being "rude and disruptive." In actuality, I had called her out for having blatantly used Google Translate for several example sentences, all of which sounded as if a semi-literate foreigner had constructed them. FML

#19755806
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21111) - you deserved it (3474)

On 06/08/2012 at 3:45pm - misc - by hackshack (man) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML

#20757332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54162) - you deserved it (3474)

On 07/01/2013 at 1:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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