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Today, at my job as a bouncer at a music venue, a guy got his nose broken in a rowdy mosh pit. When I went to help him up and see if he was okay, he said, "It was an accident, please don't kick me out," but the word "please" came out as a hot spray of his blood across my face. FML

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

#21265921
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37350) - you deserved it (3085)

On 09/26/2014 at 5:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I logged onto facebook to realize that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me. FML

#13746
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42717) - you deserved it (3084)

On 02/07/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by klv8 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got fired. By my father. He wants me to drive him to work tomorrow. FML

#6517705
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30362) - you deserved it (3084)

On 11/29/2009 at 6:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, it dawned on me that the most romantic thing my husband has done in the last three years, was a put a wedding ring on his xbox avatar. FML

#7945898
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24469) - you deserved it (3084)

On 02/06/2010 at 7:09pm - love - by browniepoints (woman) - United States (California)

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs. FML

#14963197
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25364) - you deserved it (3084)

On 02/13/2011 at 8:18pm - misc - by alice (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

#20070406
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19669) - you deserved it (3083)

On 09/13/2012 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was on a three hour flight to Los Angeles for a corporate meeting. The woman next to me instantly fell asleep and snored louder than a freight train, while the kid behind me made a hobby of thashing my seat from behind. When I peered over and asked him to stop, he spat in my face. FML

#15887024
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32242) - you deserved it (3083)

On 04/22/2011 at 2:43pm - work - by Ashleigh - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my son got to my great grandfather's old stopwatch, which had been valued at a very high sum, and broke it by twisting the hands in reverse. He says he was trying to time travel. FML

#19990926
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20643) - you deserved it (3083)

On 07/29/2012 at 2:49pm - kids - by oink oink fuck off - United Kingdom (Doncaster)

Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML

#20564887
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36214) - you deserved it (3083)

On 03/29/2013 at 1:37am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I parked three streets away despite the ungodly cold. I did this because in the past, on my street, I have had my car keyed, my tires slashed, and my side view mirror ripped off. When I went back out to my car, I found that someone had broken off my windshield wipers. FML

#14824101
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27490) - you deserved it (3082)

On 02/03/2011 at 7:52am - misc - by vikingunicorn (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

#19540366
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27299) - you deserved it (3082)

On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, we had to re-live sex ed in my college biology class. Unlike in middle school, nobody giggled incessantly. However, the guy sitting next to me stared at me intensely for nearly the whole three hour lecture. FML

#20552364
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34351) - you deserved it (3082)

On 03/20/2013 at 3:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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