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Today, a freshman set off the fire alarm in my dorm at 2 a.m. He tried to microwave Easy Mac without adding water. I had to stand outside for 45 minutes while the firemen moved the noodles to the sink and ran cold water over them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18687) - you deserved it (1362)
On 11/23/2011 at 10:38am - misc - by CRC (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16680) - you deserved it (1362)
On 10/11/2012 at 10:56pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15753) - you deserved it (1362)
On 10/12/2012 at 2:43pm - love - by firstdategonebad - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22331) - you deserved it (1362)
Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21796) - you deserved it (1361)
On 07/23/2010 at 8:59am - love - by justmyluck25 (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was in line at the pharmacy when the man in front of me asked if I wanted to see a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. Before I had time to answer, he showed me a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19537) - you deserved it (1361)
On 07/24/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by Uncircumcised Penis - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27041) - you deserved it (1361)
On 08/30/2012 at 8:58am - misc - by Sarah - United States (New York)
Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18268) - you deserved it (1361)
On 09/12/2012 at 2:31pm - animals - by shadokis (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31750) - you deserved it (1360)
On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)
Today, my front house window was smashed. A note was left, saying 'I want my cat back'. I have no idea what they are talking about. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20934) - you deserved it (1360)
On 01/15/2012 at 11:17pm - misc - by James - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I started my new job as a dishwasher, and was very excited since I've been broke for weeks. A few people dined and dashed, apparently for the first time in the restaurant's history. My boss is superstitious. She fired me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22804) - you deserved it (1360)
On 01/17/2012 at 11:08am - work - by broke - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my mom called asking for advice on how to flirt with her personal trainer. I thought she was joking and asked her what Dad would think. Turns out they're getting divorced. They decided this three weeks ago. No one told me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20966) - you deserved it (1359)
On 02/18/2010 at 1:06am - misc - by ApparentlyEmo (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my window fell out of the wall, landed on my head, and shattered. I waited 6 hours to get 23 stitches in the emergency room. When I got home, I found a bill. I owe my landlord $130 to replace the window. They won't fix it until I pay up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21620) - you deserved it (1359)
On 01/29/2010 at 3:49am - money - by dani1104 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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