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Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML

#14991299
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29979) - you deserved it (2975)

On 02/15/2011 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by bitchasaurusrex (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML

#16062957
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32271) - you deserved it (2975)

On 05/05/2011 at 11:41pm - money - by MrFerret -

Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday". He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML

#16480266
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36601) - you deserved it (2975)

On 06/03/2011 at 5:57am - work - by xmeatballx21 - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my girlfriend said I looked like ET and made me pose next to a full scale model of him while she took a picture. She's showing her friends the picture and they agree. FML

#17795407
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25291) - you deserved it (2975)

On 09/21/2011 at 12:42pm - love - by srloin (man) - United States

Today, my mom came back from a major surgery. She also had a yeast infection. I had to push the applicator in because she couldn't bend down. This cannot be unfelt. FML

#20641584
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48947) - you deserved it (2975)

On 05/04/2013 at 7:26pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

#21099597
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36889) - you deserved it (2975)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:06pm - health - by unlucky - United States (Florida)

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

#2364469
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52323) - you deserved it (2974)

On 05/28/2009 at 1:04am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I found out I'm being sued by the man whose life I practically saved a month ago. He says the way I pulled him out of the car he was trapped in has left him with permanent back problems. FML

Today, I made a friend on an online chat. We got along fairly well and even traded Facebook accounts. I found out that the two of us had a lot of very surprising things in common. We were the same age, we were from the same school, and we even had the same boyfriend. FML

#7805682
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36867) - you deserved it (2974)

On 02/02/2010 at 1:57am - misc - by Zephyric - United States (California)

Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML

#7946481
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22484) - you deserved it (2974)

On 02/06/2010 at 7:28pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I was talking to my tattoo artist about how my girlfriend broke up with me. She had also gotten her tattoos from him, so they had talked quite a bit. He told me she had been cheating on me with her ex for two and a half months. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose business. FML

#12959841
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27572) - you deserved it (2974)

On 09/08/2010 at 4:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML

#16479065
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25069) - you deserved it (2974)

On 06/03/2011 at 2:25am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33004) - you deserved it (2974)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)



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