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Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said "There's my daughter..." He then turned it to me and said "...and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2014 at 8:20pm / Canada (Quebec) / Geek

Today, we had to have our vet put our horse down. Afterwards we were discussing burial options. We then find the cat with a broken neck. Had to have her put down also. Now we have animal services questioning us for animal abuse. FML

by farmwithnobarn / 05/30/2009 at 1:48am / United States (Florida) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

by Ned / 08/29/2009 at 7:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I got a flat tire on the highway. If that wasn't bad enough I had no spare in the car. By the time I got a ride to get a new tire, someone was nice enough to fix my air conditioning for me. They smashed out my window to break in. The doors were not locked. FML

by Gearhead369 / 10/03/2010 at 12:39am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 12:12am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason she asked me to shave my beard. When I go down on her shaved, it feels more like her ex-boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 4:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I confessed to my co-worker that I've secretly loved him for months. He laughed hysterically for about a minute straight before shaking his head and excusing himself from the store. Even the fact that my boss fired him for leaving early isn't cheering me up. FML

by Alanis / 07/20/2012 at 9:59pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML

by jolene11 / 05/16/2010 at 10:24pm / United States / Love

Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2014 at 9:20pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my young daughter came up to me, grabbed my face and said, "I'm putting you in the garbage." When I laughed and asked why, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "You are trash." FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 12:41pm / Canada / Kids

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

by horny21 / 02/21/2010 at 3:19am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I was waiting for my boyfriend who evidently stood me up. I waited so long, the security came up and asked me to leave, because I was scaring the staff. FML

by anime_love / 09/17/2010 at 12:43am / United States / Love

Today, I was driving back home with my family. I had to sit quietly for half an hour, all while pretending I didn't notice my sister playing with herself under the coat on her lap. FML

by jjs51 / 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Transportation