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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

#21250632
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35809) - you deserved it (3210)

On 09/02/2014 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom spelled my name with all lowercase letters. When I asked her why she wrote it like that, she got pissed and snapped back, "Capitals are for people who amount to something." FML

#21288559
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31158) - you deserved it (3210)

On 10/30/2014 at 6:05pm - misc - by wow (man) - United States (California)

Today, when I arrived at work, I was greeted by my gorgeous co-worker telling me my red shirt looked awesome on me. Before I could compliment her, she added the color was fitting perfectly with my acne... I heard a couple of giggles around me. FML

#4835743
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44567) - you deserved it (3209)

On 08/26/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by 1nfected (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML

#3840283
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49070) - you deserved it (3209)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by heresmybellybotton (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I braved the winter weather conditions to get to a clinic for a prescription anti-diarrhea medication. When I arrived to find it closed, I turned around to walk to my car where I slipped on the ice. The impact made me simultaneously bruise my elbow and shit myself. FML

#14660867
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32644) - you deserved it (3209)

On 01/21/2011 at 10:13am - health - by chelseaface (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

#21104594
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39369) - you deserved it (3209)

On 04/04/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by fuck you with a bacon cock (man) - United Kingdom (Moray)

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

#21257305
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36859) - you deserved it (3209)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:56am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML

#843077
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80818) - you deserved it (3208)

On 04/06/2009 at 8:42pm - kids - by omgn00blolz89 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, "You know, sometimes, you look like Kevin Spacey." FML

#18832495
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24545) - you deserved it (3208)

On 01/17/2012 at 3:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Libyan Arab Jamahiriya

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

#20503190
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27848) - you deserved it (3208)

On 02/12/2013 at 12:55am - love - by BadLuckCarson - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got called an "evil Nazi bitch" because I let a customer know that this is the last day our store will have free plastic bags. FML

#20581805
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34021) - you deserved it (3208)

On 04/09/2013 at 4:18am - work - by steppppphhhhhh - United States (California)

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

#20663096
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37244) - you deserved it (3208)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by Locked Out - United States

Today, my mom let me stay home from school, because I was sick. We both agreed not to tell my dad, since he's adamant that I never miss even one day of school. A few hours after my mom left for work, he came back home, with another woman. FML

#20925128
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68692) - you deserved it (3208)

On 10/18/2013 at 12:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)



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