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Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

#20455938
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23579) - you deserved it (3053)

On 01/12/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by I'm screwed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

#21964
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37248) - you deserved it (3052)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:41pm - misc - by herpderp (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my Dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter over reacted." FML

#6298520
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31570) - you deserved it (3052)

On 11/14/2009 at 7:35am - misc - by Kassiopia (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a 1 day cruise to the Bahamas. It happened to be on the same day of the worst sailing conditions. We spent 6 hours throwing up together. Him into the sink, and me into the toilet. We spent $200 to see the inside of our cabin's bathroom. FML

#8280638
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22629) - you deserved it (3052)

On 02/15/2010 at 12:03am - love - by SeaSick (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was expecting a very important work call. Today was also the day I got insuppressible diarrhea. As I was running to the washroom, the phone rang. I didn't make it to the washroom or the phone. FML

#10832589
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25817) - you deserved it (3052)

On 05/29/2010 at 12:04am - health - by phonesnshit (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

#19730259
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30955) - you deserved it (3052)

On 06/04/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by whattheheck - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, one of my classmates pointed out that our professor has a habit of sucking his teeth at the end of each sentence. I'd never noticed before. I can't concentrate anymore, all I can focus on is his weird teeth noise thing. FML

#18354788
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21328) - you deserved it (3052)

On 11/26/2011 at 7:18am - work - by taternuts - Canada

Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes "betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML

#18553811
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26370) - you deserved it (3052)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:08pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a fifth date with a guy, and he asked me if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just after I said yes, he pulled out a contract and asked me to sign on the dotted line. FML

#19983177
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27286) - you deserved it (3052)

On 07/25/2012 at 9:03am - love - by Unlucky (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

#20458321
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34900) - you deserved it (3052)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:52am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my back yard, dug up my 1-month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

#21084613
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44322) - you deserved it (3052)

On 03/12/2014 at 2:39am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, despite all of the empty seats on the bus, a man sat next to me. So close to me that our legs touched. After a few moments of silence, he got closer and whispered in my ear, "You're so quiet." FML

Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he had sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

#268539
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68469) - you deserved it (3051)

On 03/11/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)



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