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Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML

#14544910
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22943) - you deserved it (2933)

On 01/11/2011 at 12:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a blind date with a really cute guy. Just when I was about to invite him back to my place for a nightcap, he took out a catalog of Russian mail-order brides and asked for my help in picking out the best one. FML

#17892754
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25541) - you deserved it (2933)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:15am - love - by NotRussian (woman) - United States

Today, my mother-in-law thought it would be appropriate to give my five-year-old daughter some bedclothes with the Playboy logo all over them. FML

#19152626
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24801) - you deserved it (2933)

On 02/24/2012 at 8:26am - kids - by Joanne (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my dog received a christmas card before I did. FML

#6678775
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26724) - you deserved it (2932)

On 12/09/2009 at 10:33am - animals - by amywee (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML

#7234315
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25042) - you deserved it (2932)

On 01/09/2010 at 11:11am - health - by Michelle (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

#12782393
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28513) - you deserved it (2932)

On 08/28/2010 at 2:07am - misc - by SeagullsShouldDie - United States

Today, my neighbor finally cut the grass on his front lawn. At 2 in the morning. FML

#17187293
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28693) - you deserved it (2932)

On 07/20/2011 at 3:55am - misc - by anon - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML

#19617279
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20731) - you deserved it (2932)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:54pm - kids - by just me (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, it was my high school graduation. Everything was going fine until everyone saw my family fighting over where we would go afterwards. Security had to pull them apart. FML

#20712915
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42957) - you deserved it (2932)

On 06/08/2013 at 1:12am - misc - by congrats grad - United States (California)

Today, I spontaneously got my ear pierced. By spontaneously, I mean my 12-year-old sister stabbed one of her earrings into my ear while I was sleeping. She claimed the freckle on my earlobe looks "exactly the same" as the hole from her ear piercing. FML

#20801253
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44066) - you deserved it (2932)

On 07/24/2013 at 2:03pm - kids - by ouch - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

#20987288
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42234) - you deserved it (2932)

On 12/10/2013 at 1:04am - money - by thefifthdoctor - United States (Washington)

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

#4156850
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34694) - you deserved it (2931)

On 07/30/2009 at 9:33am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent christmas eve googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good christmas. FML

#6933145
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22945) - you deserved it (2931)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:25am - animals - by suuuuuupucci (woman) - United States (California)



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