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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML

#20692945
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49434) - you deserved it (3710)

On 05/29/2013 at 11:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

#21411971
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35508) - you deserved it (3710)

On 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

#21313490
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38870) - you deserved it (3710)

On 12/07/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML

#3364803
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58008) - you deserved it (3709)

On 06/30/2009 at 12:17pm - kids - by lebanesewoman (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML

#7254333
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26142) - you deserved it (3709)

On 01/10/2010 at 5:45am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a cupcake. FML

#19235270
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24590) - you deserved it (3709)

On 03/07/2012 at 8:08pm - work - by Janitor (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, after scouring my apartment for quarters to do laundry, I found the correct amount of change. The change got jammed in the washing machine. I now have no more quarters, and my clothes are caked with soap from washing them in the sink. FML

#20524387
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27702) - you deserved it (3709)

On 02/27/2013 at 1:27pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my car wouldn't start because of the cold weather. Since I was at a friend's house, I asked him to jump-start it. After taking about ten minutes to start his vehicle and park it by mine, we found that both of our car hoods were frozen shut. FML

#20984021
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42033) - you deserved it (3709)

On 12/07/2013 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was told by my teacher that she had 'given up' teaching me because someone had told her I have a mental illness, and that I don't understand what she says. FML

#21254331
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40862) - you deserved it (3709)

On 09/08/2014 at 6:55am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, It took me more than 4 hours to set up the back yard for my daughters baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML

#3143801
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47246) - you deserved it (3708)

On 06/23/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by stew (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML

#8153486
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26765) - you deserved it (3708)

On 02/12/2010 at 12:11am - health - by NotSoSick (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

#13061135
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25277) - you deserved it (3708)

On 09/15/2010 at 12:52pm - misc - by Ah piss - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because I didn't know what her favorite ice cream was. She says it proves I don't care enough about her. I don't think I've ever seen her eat ice cream. FML

#17628013
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30204) - you deserved it (3708)

On 08/31/2011 at 5:16am - love - by wtf3456 (man) - United States (Ohio)



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