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Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

#21395300
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28759) - you deserved it (3419)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was visited by Child Protective Services. Seems someone on my street reported me for neglect because I cloth diaper my children. I moved in less than 6 months ago, so I guess this is how they say, "welcome to the neighborhood" about these parts. FML

#6660369
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32763) - you deserved it (3418)

On 12/08/2009 at 2:02am - kids - by ClothMom (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML

#15844059
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32426) - you deserved it (3418)

On 04/19/2011 at 4:23am - misc - by BerkeleyBiker (woman) - United States (California)

Today I returned home after a semester at university. I guess I did too good a job of getting into shape as my parents phoned the police, thinking I was a burglar. FML

#20679356
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39083) - you deserved it (3418)

On 05/22/2013 at 5:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I figured out how my birth control works. If you're on your period for four months straight you can't have sex, so you won't be pregnant. FML

#21351947
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33761) - you deserved it (3418)

On 02/08/2015 at 5:26am - health - by irwingiggles (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I was going to end a thing I had with this guy. It turned out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and was just using me as a back up. FML

#2522
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17943) - you deserved it (3417)

On 01/25/2009 at 11:47am - love - by thesporkhop - United States (Nevada)

Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bicurious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML

#3137659
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55197) - you deserved it (3417)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was working when an older lady came up to buy a coffee. Her son cried for a cup of whipped cream to snack on. She shook her head, silently telling me to say no. I said we were out. The mother took her drink and said, "I'm sorry honey, but the mean man said you couldn't have any." FML

#8069688
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32085) - you deserved it (3417)

On 02/09/2010 at 10:32pm - work - by nichaneely (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was at the mall and I saw a kid crying. I asked her "What's wrong sweetie, are you lost?" She ran away screaming "Help me!" I ended up having to explain to a dumb mall cop that I'm not a perv. FML

#15281429
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28402) - you deserved it (3417)

On 03/12/2011 at 2:18am - misc - by soul0eater (man) - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML

#19170840
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18956) - you deserved it (3417)

On 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm - misc - by slickrick22 (man) - United States

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

#20561443
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33220) - you deserved it (3417)

On 03/26/2013 at 8:10pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it was safe to say I started sleepwalking again, after I woke up with a mouth filled with soil and a ravaged plant. FML

#20995711
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38687) - you deserved it (3417)

On 12/17/2013 at 10:38am - health - by adventurousnightsbutnotinagoodway (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I finally got enough courage to ask out this girl that I've liked for a year. While we were out at lunch, she ran into her ex that she had just broken up with. They then had a long conversation about their relationship, and ended up getting back together. She was my ride home. FML

#2853561
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51836) - you deserved it (3416)

On 06/13/2009 at 8:15am - love - by e.middlechild (man) - United States (Texas)



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