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Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

#20723415
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47631) - you deserved it (3163)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I walked into my elderly client's home for my first day of work. I was immediately hit in the eye with something small, and had to get medical attention for a scratched cornea. It turns out my client likes to clip his toenails right by his front door. FML

#21088031
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38610) - you deserved it (3163)

On 03/16/2014 at 10:00am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

#21128831
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41767) - you deserved it (3163)

On 05/02/2014 at 2:20pm - misc - by thanks (man) - United States (California)

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

#21277907
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30388) - you deserved it (3163)

On 10/14/2014 at 8:13pm - misc - by ForeverAlone - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

#8841387
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36529) - you deserved it (3163)

On 03/05/2010 at 7:54am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my new coworker told me he expects me to call him King Kong and bow down to him whenever he walks past. FML

#12080410
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25715) - you deserved it (3162)

On 07/24/2010 at 3:44am - misc - by earths_venus - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that the engineers I work with believe that a woman with an engineering degree working in an engineering company is apparently equivalent to a "secretary for engineers." I am that woman. FML

#17734062
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27277) - you deserved it (3162)

On 09/13/2011 at 1:53am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

#18803544
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24330) - you deserved it (3162)

On 01/14/2012 at 6:42am - misc - by anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

#20171880
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29067) - you deserved it (3162)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Dead_Fox (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

#63875
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36253) - you deserved it (3161)

On 02/17/2009 at 9:52pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I haven't had any real sleep in 4 days because I am an insomniac. My father is also an insomniac but he takes Ambien to get his rest. Me? I'm stuck staring at the ceiling for hours because he won't let me take any kind of medication, because he doesn't want me "getting addicted." FML

#12533834
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28913) - you deserved it (3161)

On 08/15/2010 at 3:23am - health - by sleeplessinID (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my friends and I held an intervention for my fiancé. He's been talking and behaving like an "old-timey cowboy" non-stop for the last three months. Our wedding is in a month and he refuses to marry me if I can't accept his "life choices." FML

#20149952
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19717) - you deserved it (3161)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:42am - love - by cowgirl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML

#20896754
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37664) - you deserved it (3161)

On 09/26/2013 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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