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Today, I invited my deadbeat dad over for dinner, hoping we could resolve our issues and build a proper relationship. Just minutes after he arrived, I caught him stealing money from my purse. He actually said I owe him for raising me. He ditched my mom and me when I was 5. FML

#21255044
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43920) - you deserved it (3427)

On 09/09/2014 at 12:47pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

#21379871
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (779) - you deserved it (3427)

On 03/23/2015 at 12:42am - animals - by birdsterrifyme - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to have Valentine's Day sex. He then remembered it was unlimited pancakes at IHOP. FML

#8246402
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20219) - you deserved it (3426)

On 02/14/2010 at 11:31am - intimacy - by DallasGal (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was told that I will never be able to have children. Thankfully for my husband, his girlfriend sure can. FML

#15252326
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49790) - you deserved it (3426)

On 03/09/2011 at 5:08pm - love - by sosad -

Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML

#20066095
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17422) - you deserved it (3425)

On 09/10/2012 at 8:48am - misc - by liquidknight - United States

Today, after recently having had surgery, I Iearnt that some extra tissue was needed to cover up the hole in the roof of my mouth. Where did they get this tissue? From a dead person. I now have the flesh of a dead person in my mouth, which by the way is now infected. FML

#8361510
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40265) - you deserved it (3425)

On 02/17/2010 at 12:07am - health - by Sophie - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having a chat with a customer. He asked if I was married, to which I replied, "No." Before I could say anything else, he said, "Thought so. You look too happy to be married." I was about to mention that I just got engaged. FML

#17513868
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27620) - you deserved it (3425)

On 08/18/2011 at 10:10pm - love - by ddeit (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my fiancée called our engagement off, because apparently she's actually a complete idiot who will believe anything that a slimy con artist tells her. In this case, a "psychic" who mumbled some shit about me having "a dark aura." FML

#19628029
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28626) - you deserved it (3425)

On 05/15/2012 at 4:56pm - love - by waste of effort (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I emailed 10 parents inviting them to my son's birthday party. All 10 emailed back saying their kids had to get a cavity filled. FML

#20517380
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33032) - you deserved it (3425)

On 02/22/2013 at 9:51am - kids - by Paris101 - United States (Missouri)

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

#3469
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23913) - you deserved it (3424)

On 01/29/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML

#17754607
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28577) - you deserved it (3424)

On 09/15/2011 at 10:38pm - work - by MrTandy - United States (New York)

Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML

#20496903
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38083) - you deserved it (3424)

On 02/07/2013 at 10:24am - misc - by GarageSallin (man) -



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