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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML

#14549373
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37879) - you deserved it (3248)

On 01/11/2011 at 11:04pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML

Today, 60 guests for my wedding were supposed to arrive to the Bahamas. The first and only hurricane of the season decided to crash my wedding, stranding my mom, maid of honor and best man. No one will be able to attend my wedding, except the other drunken hotel guests. FML

#20133630
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21493) - you deserved it (3248)

On 10/25/2012 at 11:58pm - misc - by sadbride - Bahamas (New Providence)

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

#20070406
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21048) - you deserved it (3247)

On 09/13/2012 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that second hand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML

#1296374
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60743) - you deserved it (3247)

On 04/24/2009 at 6:23pm - health - by whatthehell (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML

#4081805
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63594) - you deserved it (3247)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:07pm - misc - by webperson04 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

#20457945
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29727) - you deserved it (3247)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband recited to me the name and model number of every single weapon in the game Doom, along with what they did and roughly where to find them. Last month, he forgot my birthday. We've been married for 6 years; he hasn't played Doom in at least 10. FML

#21353586
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31574) - you deserved it (3247)

On 02/10/2015 at 7:00pm - love - by doomed (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

#13946
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30642) - you deserved it (3246)

On 02/07/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by Noname - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my father yelled at me for changing 1 of his 2 programable seat positions in his car because he uses both. Apparently, 1 is for sober driving and 2 is for high/drunk driving. Go dad. FML

#7353049
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28021) - you deserved it (3246)

On 01/15/2010 at 2:24am - misc - by Goobie (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML

#15650544
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33230) - you deserved it (3246)

On 04/05/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by Imslow (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML

#20929509
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39472) - you deserved it (3246)

On 10/21/2013 at 9:24pm - health - by ouch.... (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML

#21000904
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37236) - you deserved it (3246)

On 12/22/2013 at 12:37am - misc - by Isitreallythatbad, (woman) - United States



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  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
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