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Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 6:54pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, while arriving to a date for the first time in a couple years, the first thing out of his mouth was, "I'm only dressed up because I had court today." FML

by anonymous / 10/09/2014 at 6:09pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my phone got stolen at church. FML

by fffemaleee / 05/31/2015 at 2:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spiced things up by lying on the bed and pouring melted white chocolate on myself. I called out to my fiancé to come in. He was 'checking' his favourite scene in Batman vs Superman and couldn't hear me. I was stuck unable to move for ten minutes until he finally heard me. FML

by Chocolaty / 07/21/2016 at 8:48pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML

by ulrika / 07/23/2016 at 9:09pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, my neighbors were busted for a meth lab in their garage. Yesterday, I signed the mortgage. Welcome to our new neighborhood, kids. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2009 at 1:51am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, the only person to wish me a Happy Valentine's day was a wrong number calling my cell phone. FML

by moe / 02/14/2011 at 10:07pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my ex-boyfriend's attempt to win me back involved standing at the bottom of my apartment building with two airhorns, blasting them and shouting. And for some reason, singing "Sweet Caroline", even though that's not my name. FML

by notsomuch / 07/31/2011 at 11:09pm / United States (Maine) / Love

Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML

by abercrombieef / 08/27/2009 at 7:57pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got mugged. They wanted my phone and wallet. The most important thing in my wallet was my fully punched Smoothie King card. FML

by ashleeylynn / 03/15/2010 at 11:05am / United States / Money

Today, I realized my acne is so bad that the Facebook face recognition could recognize all of my friends in a group photo except me. FML

by SadFace / 02/21/2013 at 8:04am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I got dragged to dinner with my grandparents. It was awful from the start, but things took a turn for the worse when my grandpa went to give me a kiss on the cheek as we left. I could clearly see lice crawling around in his beard, and I couldn't stop it from touching my face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2013 at 12:17pm / United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I locked my newly repaired bike up, I carefully took the new rear light off it so that nobody could steal said light. Somebody stole my bike. At least I have a red light to play with. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2013 at 2:31am / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Miscellaneous