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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was stripped of my starting position on my high school basketball team. The reason? I was three minutes late to practice. Why was I late? My coach called me five minutes before practice and made me get him a coffee or else he wouldn't start me. FML

#14430499
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36514) - you deserved it (3049)

On 01/01/2011 at 10:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

#19559946
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16034) - you deserved it (3049)

On 05/01/2012 at 7:43pm - misc - by Megannn (woman) - United States

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

#19475890
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22075) - you deserved it (3049)

On 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm - kids - by sigh (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

#19782263
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24367) - you deserved it (3049)

On 06/13/2012 at 2:13pm - misc - by sopissed - United States (Maryland)

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML

#20581667
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63646) - you deserved it (3049)

On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my step-dad tried to talk me into getting plastic surgery. His reasoning: "Let's face it, 28 and single? Look, I know your mum gave you shitty genes, but that's no excuse to avoid fixing your face, honey." FML

#20765605
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44216) - you deserved it (3049)

On 07/05/2013 at 5:37pm - misc - by buttuglyforeveralone :( (woman) - United Kingdom (Merthyr Tydfil)

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

#260878
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68040) - you deserved it (3048)

On 03/10/2009 at 2:37pm - misc - by dileigh (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line tells me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I've got a headache, my legs are stiff and my date must think I stood her up. The tech finally arrives, pries the door open, then rudely asks, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

#5272541
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38121) - you deserved it (3048)

On 09/15/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Stuckism (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

#12964017
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58859) - you deserved it (3049)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:23pm - animals - by jrad - United States (Georgia)

Today, I contacted my biological father, after not speaking to him for some years, as we had a very strained relationship. I received an automated response. It's probably the best conversation we have ever had. FML

#16328382
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25957) - you deserved it (3048)

On 05/24/2011 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was napping. I woke up to my pillow making some sounds. Thinking it was my head shifting my pillow, I went back to sleep. Later on I woke up to the sounds again, and a mouse staring at my face. FML

#18070183
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27896) - you deserved it (3048)

On 10/25/2011 at 3:17am - animals - by pinkjade - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

#19730259
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30933) - you deserved it (3048)

On 06/04/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by whattheheck - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I realized that I spend more money on gas to go to my job than what I get paid. FML

#20086643
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23181) - you deserved it (3048)

On 09/24/2012 at 2:21pm - work - by izziegrl - Mexico (Mexico)



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