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Today, I was in McDonalds with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, 'Whoa, you're really pretty.' No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, 'Wow. He must have been drunk.' FML

#13836809
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29688) - you deserved it (3037)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:39am - misc - by ugly (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me. FML

#18560105
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28442) - you deserved it (3037)

On 12/20/2011 at 6:49am - misc - by IHopeYourDogsGetDiarrheaAndPoopOnYourBed (woman) - Mauritius

Today, a co-worker passed me a note with information about one of our cute, new co-workers I was interested in. Her report? Simple: "Lesbian. Try again. They're EVERYWHERE!" FML

#18895505
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18952) - you deserved it (3037)

On 01/23/2012 at 11:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm. FML

#19594950
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31666) - you deserved it (3037)

On 05/08/2012 at 10:05pm - intimacy - by laury - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I passed out while I was with my boyfriend in his garden. I woke up on the concrete just outside his house. Apparently, he'd tried to carry me in, but because he was too weak, he gave up and went to watch TV. FML

#20131269
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23040) - you deserved it (3037)

On 10/24/2012 at 12:52pm - love - by Alice - United Kingdom

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

#20455625
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30847) - you deserved it (3037)

On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

#20993322
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35051) - you deserved it (3037)

On 12/15/2013 at 12:18pm - misc - by ANONYMOUS -_- (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

#965793
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78681) - you deserved it (3036)

On 04/14/2009 at 7:18am - work - by hcfan (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML

#10841820
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37516) - you deserved it (3036)

On 05/29/2010 at 1:39pm - misc - by thanksmum (woman) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, while coming back from skiing, a woman asked me if I could help her carry her stroller. I put my skis down and helped her. When I came back to pick my skis up, I saw two guys running away with my gear. You try chasing someone while wearing ski boots. FML

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

#7199180
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21763) - you deserved it (3035)

On 01/07/2010 at 1:38pm - animals - by Flooded (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got back from a two week holiday only to discover my dog missing. After looking for him at animal shelters and putting up missing pet signs, my room mate admitted he lost him in a game of drunk poker. FML

#12649118
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38293) - you deserved it (3035)

On 08/20/2010 at 6:03pm - animals - by therealducktape - Sent from mobile version

Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML

#20062636
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18971) - you deserved it (3035)

On 09/08/2012 at 12:47am - misc - by wonder woman (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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