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Today, my parents met my girlfriend for the first time and cooked us dinner. After, I was helping clean up in the kitchen and my dad says to me, "Don't worry, you have to slay a couple of dragons before you get to the princess." and winks at me. She heard. I was going to propose to her tonight. FML

Today, my friend asked me if I could watch her mother's cats while they go on vacation. I agreed since her house is on my way to work. When I talked to her mother, I found out she has 30-something cats. She reckons she lost count. FML

#5791962
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30704) - you deserved it (3732)

On 10/12/2009 at 4:22am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

#7501218
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44391) - you deserved it (3732)

On 01/22/2010 at 3:51pm - misc - by Funnymann - United States

Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML

#13789372
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30554) - you deserved it (3732)

On 11/10/2010 at 11:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Argentina (Cordoba)

Today, I felt like adding my real middle name to my facebook name to make it look more professional. It was denied because they didn't feel it was a legitimate request. Minutes later, someone with the name of "Galactic Toast" friend requested me. FML

#14048289
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30939) - you deserved it (3732)

On 12/01/2010 at 2:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

#14653951
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44600) - you deserved it (3732)

On 01/20/2011 at 8:15pm - love - by fianceeless (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML

#16237035
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45060) - you deserved it (3732)

On 05/18/2011 at 12:08pm - misc - by nicknick2 (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, my best friend told me that she no longer wants to cut herself because now she's madly in love with a guy in our school. She doesn't know that he's gay. FML

#20893179
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55062) - you deserved it (3732)

On 09/23/2013 at 4:49pm - love - by friend loves a gay guy... - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out what it's like to drive seven hours home with a woman who just brutally rejected your marriage proposal. FML

#21284911
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45239) - you deserved it (3732)

On 10/25/2014 at 10:10am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, thanks to the terrible carpool planning of one of my friends, I had the pleasure of driving both of my ex-boyfriends to homecoming. Neither one of them knew that I had dated the other, but they sure do now. FML

#21476041
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21141) - you deserved it (3732)

On 10/04/2015 at 1:51pm - love - by badplannning (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

#21457543
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24349) - you deserved it (3732)

On 08/18/2015 at 9:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

#7084392
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29525) - you deserved it (3732)

On 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by Lovergirl (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I found out that in conclusion to working five nights in a row, I'm scheduled to work the night shift on Valentine's day with my ex-boyfriend. FML



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