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Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML

by MedStudent90 / 12/11/2014 at 1:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, I got mugged. They wanted my phone and wallet. The most important thing in my wallet was my fully punched Smoothie King card. FML

by ashleeylynn / 03/15/2010 at 11:05am / United States / Money

Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 1:47pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought I'd take my little sister to the park. After getting bored of playing on the climbers, she thought it would be funny to throw some mud at me; too bad mud wasn’t the only chunky brown stuff on the ground. FML

by Abeille / 03/16/2011 at 8:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

by schooyou101 / 12/03/2012 at 7:53pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML

by harrington61 / 05/19/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

by juice723 / 02/01/2014 at 9:07pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly 6 minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML

by mommylife / 04/15/2015 at 12:17am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

by myself / 01/30/2012 at 12:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I made my brother go to the grocery store to get some frozen pizzas. Ten minutes after he left, the power cut out. Still no power. Still hungry. FML

by noooo!!! / 04/19/2012 at 2:45pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

by UnknownOperation / 09/04/2012 at 9:51am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

by julia / 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, during a series of violent sneezes due to a cold, I bit my tongue. My tongue is now so swollen I cannot close my mouth and am drooling profusely. I have to get ready to go to my job as a cashier. FML

by samaram / 06/04/2013 at 2:47am / United States / Health