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Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

#6480993
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19558) - you deserved it (2976)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I'm the coach of a football team. To celebrate winning a game, they poured a cooler of blue Gatorade over my head. This would've been great, if not for the fact that I'm highly allergic to blue food dye. FML

#16256468
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35188) - you deserved it (2976)

On 05/19/2011 at 7:32pm - health - by blue. -

Today, my wife announced that she wanted a divorce. She'd actually started dating another man a few months ago, but she wanted to drag our marriage out as long as possible just in case her new relationship fell through. FML

#16515847
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41099) - you deserved it (2976)

On 06/05/2011 at 4:20pm - love - by mj - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML

#19026244
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23556) - you deserved it (2976)

On 02/08/2012 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my mother met my sister's boyfriend for the first time. As we talked about it later over dinner she said she didn't like him. When I asked why, she paused for a second and said, "Well, he really reminds me of you." FML

#20611376
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38036) - you deserved it (2976)

On 04/21/2013 at 8:27pm - misc - by Ellwood - United States

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

#21097210
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39088) - you deserved it (2977)

On 03/26/2014 at 7:44pm - animals - by In urgent need of a new roommate - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out I have hypersomnia, which is basically being constantly tired. I've been treated with depression for years because the symptoms are similar. I've failed out of college three times because of this. Now, I think I really am depressed. FML

Today, I went to the movies. Two teenagers behind me had already seen the picture once and shared the entire plot with their friend during first 10 minutes. The finale was intended to be a great twist and I knew it from the very beginning. FML

#13994569
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27446) - you deserved it (2975)

On 11/27/2010 at 12:41am - misc - by nanuka_g - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

#14422998
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32981) - you deserved it (2975)

On 01/01/2011 at 8:30am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

#20847854
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42483) - you deserved it (2975)

On 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm - work - by twatstick (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

#20984974
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35639) - you deserved it (2975)

On 12/08/2013 at 1:00pm - misc - by FML (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

#20994621
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52983) - you deserved it (2975)

On 12/16/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by confsused - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents used my going away party as a cover up for my sister's surprise party. I didn't know until they brought out the cake. FML

#21022962
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39239) - you deserved it (2975)

On 01/09/2014 at 9:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sri Lanka



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Tuesday 22 July 2014

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