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Today, at the age of 23, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. My father swabbed his mouth for DNA and fingerprinted him. FML

Today, a cute, new guy I always run into at work hit on me. Turns out he's only 18. I'm old enough to be his mom. FML

#21399135
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25802) - you deserved it (3336)

On 04/24/2015 at 5:46pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went for a job interview on my birthday. I had on a shirt and a tie on and I had my Blackberry in my pocket. I was running a little late, so I dashed outside. When I came out of the door, a bunch of my buddies screamed HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and poured Gatorade all over me. FML

#227236
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54189) - you deserved it (3329)

On 03/06/2009 at 4:24pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

#4156027
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55700) - you deserved it (3329)

On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

#8835059
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21782) - you deserved it (3329)

On 03/04/2010 at 10:51pm - misc - by Grossed_out (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I told the girl I've been seeing for a while about the strong feelings that I have for her and that I was falling in love. She told me my words made her realize what it felt like to be in love. My words were so powerful, in fact, that she ran right back into the arms of her ex boyfriend. FML

#13331586
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35722) - you deserved it (3329)

On 10/05/2010 at 5:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw my neighbor of twelve years at the grocery store. Being friendly, I went over to say hello. After I did, she responded by saying that she didn't know me but I look familiar. Finally, she remembered why I'm familiar saying that I look like the dorky guy from Two and a Half Men. FML

#16294249
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27705) - you deserved it (3329)

On 05/22/2011 at 8:18am - misc - by Greig - United States (Ohio)

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

#20740202
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45602) - you deserved it (3329)

On 06/22/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML

#6778697
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42059) - you deserved it (3328)

On 12/16/2009 at 2:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid. Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him. FML

#18244836
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24761) - you deserved it (3328)

On 11/14/2011 at 8:37am - work - by metallifreak44 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the optometrist for him to buy contact lenses for the first time. He said the detail was much better than glasses. I excitedly asked him if he could see my freckles better now, and after a long and disappointed look at my face, he said "Nope, just more acne." FML

#19580069
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21776) - you deserved it (3328)

On 05/06/2012 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

#21302388
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30170) - you deserved it (3328)

On 11/19/2014 at 9:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML

#7215192
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21477) - you deserved it (3327)

On 01/08/2010 at 10:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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