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Today, I was replaced in the symphony I play in. I play the clarinet, and a standard symphony only uses two, so getting into one can be quite competitive. My conductor's reasoning? "I was sure you were going to college." I never mentioned college to him, other than saying I wasn't going. FML

Today, I went to the allergist. I found out that I am allergic to dogs, cats, wool, fleece, and pet dander. I'm currently planning to go to school to become a veterinarian. FML

#6054413
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35778) - you deserved it (3143)

On 10/29/2009 at 12:36pm - work - by KMack (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my father yelled at me for changing 1 of his 2 programable seat positions in his car because he uses both. Apparently, 1 is for sober driving and 2 is for high/drunk driving. Go dad. FML

#7353049
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26961) - you deserved it (3143)

On 01/15/2010 at 2:24am - misc - by Goobie (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said "Not in a million years, fat ass" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

#8568837
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31514) - you deserved it (3143)

On 02/22/2010 at 9:46pm - love - by Crappyfayman (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML

#14721795
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24920) - you deserved it (3143)

On 01/26/2011 at 4:49pm - misc - by Larz (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

#20838513
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49219) - you deserved it (3143)

On 08/15/2013 at 9:34am - work - by lawman (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML

#6811262
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31700) - you deserved it (3142)

On 12/18/2009 at 2:23pm - health - by drugbaby (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

#17839732
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38219) - you deserved it (3142)

On 09/26/2011 at 2:52pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by rapping in a voicemail. FML

#20053776
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26904) - you deserved it (3142)

On 09/02/2012 at 8:44am - love - by rotezora (woman) - Switzerland (Basel-Stadt)

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended like it never happened. FML

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

#13415176
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23109) - you deserved it (3140)

On 10/12/2010 at 12:48am - intimacy - by tdiz - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, me and a couple of friends decided to go camping in a national park . When we got there, a ranger came up to us and said, "There have been many sightings of coyotes, don't worry, if they charge you, they'll bluff and flee at the last moment." We met a coyote, it didn't bluff. FML

#10594461
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26504) - you deserved it (3140)

On 05/17/2010 at 7:00pm - misc - by Coyote (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML

#20174725
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22752) - you deserved it (3140)

On 11/23/2012 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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