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Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

#20908147
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42445) - you deserved it (3023)

On 10/05/2013 at 9:51am - animals - by Mike Messenger - United States (Florida)

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

#5227356
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38190) - you deserved it (3022)

On 09/13/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Casden (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for my birthday. She got a little headache after we ordered, so she went outside to get some air. I ate a $100 meal and had Happy Birthday sang to me by the restaurant staff. Alone. FML

#5498731
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37567) - you deserved it (3022)

On 09/27/2009 at 1:16am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

#7189298
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61371) - you deserved it (3022)

On 01/06/2010 at 10:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out the reason I can't get a job. My previous employer didn't know my name, so when places I applied to called there for a reference, my boss said he had no recollection of me working there. FML

#11010469
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28230) - you deserved it (3022)

On 06/06/2010 at 1:36pm - work - by duko3000 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML

#14948689
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35159) - you deserved it (3022)

On 02/12/2011 at 11:29am - intimacy - by KaraAnn17 - United States (Ohio)

Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML

#15179914
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38314) - you deserved it (3022)

On 03/02/2011 at 9:49pm - kids - by elfy2 -

Today, I was sleeping like a baby on our living room couch. My older brother and his friends lit my slippers on fire. While I was wearing them. They even took a video. FML

#17261377
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30610) - you deserved it (3022)

On 07/26/2011 at 12:03am - misc - by Ep1cF4ce - United States (New Jersey)

Today, one of my neighbors dressed up in the exact same costume as me. Every house I go to refuses to give me candy because my neighbor has already been there. FML

#18123545
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28936) - you deserved it (3022)

On 10/31/2011 at 8:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

#18069827
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28916) - you deserved it (3022)

On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, we had to re-live sex ed in my college biology class. Unlike in middle school, nobody giggled incessantly. However, the guy sitting next to me stared at me intensely for nearly the whole three hour lecture. FML

#20552364
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33544) - you deserved it (3022)

On 03/20/2013 at 3:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

#4952305
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32291) - you deserved it (3021)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by kelkline (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, it was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We had dinner reservations to an expensive restaurant and planned to see a movie after. At least, we did, until he called to tell me he'd volunteered to work tonight. He won't get off until 2am. FML

#8824480
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21292) - you deserved it (3021)

On 03/04/2010 at 3:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)



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