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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up to find that my parents had replaced my regular alarm clock with a walking one that requires you to get up and find it. The alarm was set to 5:00AM, which would have been fine if it wasn't the weekend. FML

#20530545
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35559) - you deserved it (3738)

On 03/04/2013 at 3:02am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

#20709788
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54659) - you deserved it (3738)

On 06/06/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man

Today, I realised I sweat so much that I won't be able to go without sticking super pads with wings to my shirt underarms everyday. It makes supermarket trips interesting. Especially as a man. FML

#20895380
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37710) - you deserved it (3738)

On 09/25/2013 at 6:37am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML

#14416914
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37468) - you deserved it (3737)

On 01/01/2011 at 12:06am - work - by Chris - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This wouldn't be so bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

#12332692
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44391) - you deserved it (3737)

On 08/05/2010 at 2:24pm - love - by kiki - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

#18650624
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23943) - you deserved it (3737)

On 12/30/2011 at 2:13am - misc - by 3peeps - United States

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

#20752548
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48940) - you deserved it (3737)

On 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me via Twitter. FML

#21295236
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36345) - you deserved it (3737)

On 11/09/2014 at 3:37am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I discovered that the man I have been talking to on a dating site is actually my ex-boyfriend. He created a fake profile and made me fall for someone that doesn't exist. We got on better anonymously than we ever did in 3 years together. FML

#21373070
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33207) - you deserved it (3737)

On 03/12/2015 at 9:53am - love - by mylovelifeisanepicfail (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

#21457543
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24377) - you deserved it (3737)

On 08/18/2015 at 9:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I finally got my wish of having snow on my birthday. Excited, I failed to realise this meant that no one could come to my party, including myself as we were all snowed out of town. What did I spend my 18th doing? Tidying our house. FML

#6881049
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28329) - you deserved it (3736)

On 12/22/2009 at 7:15am - misc - by JD300 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML

#4756705
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43449) - you deserved it (3737)

On 08/23/2009 at 7:00am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Buskerud)

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

#7105226
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25926) - you deserved it (3736)

On 01/02/2010 at 2:24pm - work - by Bathroom Problems - France



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