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Today, I found out that my engagement ring was actually my husband's ex-fiancée's. FML

by llord / 08/23/2011 at 10:29pm / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were preparing for the arrival of Hurricane Sandy. I tasked him with going out to buy emergency groceries in case we lose power. He returned with dozens of microwave cup noodles. We're going to starve. FML

by cupnoodles / 10/28/2012 at 4:14pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was out on a family walk, when I overheard two women talking to each other. One of them was wondering how a kid with such good looking parents and grandparents could be so ugly. That kid is my daughter. FML

by Kittykat900 / 05/22/2013 at 12:47pm / United Kingdom (York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML

by nybaby / 11/29/2010 at 4:17pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML

by Hollywoodanonymous / 10/31/2011 at 2:57am / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy

Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML

by slickrick22 / 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a letter in the postbox at my new flat which ran something along these lines of: "Hi. We're the gas company. You owe us £1,229.79 and have 7 days to pay us. Lotsa love, dated 7th September." FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2009 at 9:40am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2010 at 8:28am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Health

Today, I had to drive my drunk parents home from a party. They leaned out the window and barked at everyone we passed all the way home. FML

by monquiqui / 07/04/2011 at 1:45am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

by Mandy / 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm / United States / Health

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2012 at 10:26am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

by stillhungry / 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm / United States (California) / Love