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Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when I saw my best friend. I jokingly did a double-take and said I didn't recognize him with his clothes on. We laughed, talked a bit, then went our separate ways. My girlfriend later dumped me, claiming I'm blatantly gay and cheating on her. FML

by cuckoo / 08/21/2015 at 11:59pm / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, as I was driving with my boyfriend, he pointed out what a crappy car I drive. About how the locks don't work, the vents are broken, the windshield wipers are busted, my headlights aren't bright, and a hubcap is missing. Then he said I’m a good match for my car, 'cos we have the same “personality". FML

by Clunker / 10/24/2009 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my mom and I were escorted out of the KFC because my mom tried to mug and pick a fight with another customer. FML

by lifesux / 02/05/2011 at 4:28pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a job interview. I have major OCD, and I had to sit in a room with a man covered in cat hair, struggling to even survive for an hour and a half. FML

by toryzhere / 03/29/2012 at 7:13am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML

by nolove4me / 06/29/2011 at 4:41pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML

by Username / 07/24/2011 at 2:22am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was on a train when we hit and killed a person. We were stalled for 4 hours. The guy sitting next to me asked what I did for a living, so I told him that I'm a vet tech. Then he showed me his infected elbow. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 10:51am / United States / Transportation

Today, I was walking down the hallway when someone opened a door, smashing it into me. The bump makes it look like I have a third boob. FML

by Ouch / 03/17/2010 at 12:16pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML

by gemtas5 / 09/21/2013 at 1:28pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Love

Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML

by guh / 08/31/2016 at 11:54am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy

Today, a cute girl sat down next to me on the bus. She looked up at me, and then moved to the back. FML

by Ugh-Lee / 09/30/2010 at 11:07am / United States / Love

Today, my crush walked me home. As my mom opens the door, she tells me in Russian how ugly he is, and that I have extremely bad taste. Out of all the languages in the world, he happens to be fluent in Russian. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 10:45am / Brunei Darussalam / Love

Today, my therapist clapped for me when I told her I'd made a friend. FML

by ohdang / 03/01/2012 at 12:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous