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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was napping. I woke up to my pillow making some sounds. Thinking it was my head shifting my pillow, I went back to sleep. Later on I woke up to the sounds again, and a mouse staring at my face. FML

#18070183
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27876) - you deserved it (3048)

On 10/25/2011 at 3:17am - animals - by pinkjade - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

#20141343
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23461) - you deserved it (3048)

On 10/31/2012 at 6:06am - misc - by hakuna matata - United States (California)

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

#19782263
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24360) - you deserved it (3049)

On 06/13/2012 at 2:13pm - misc - by sopissed - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a 1 day cruise to the Bahamas. It happened to be on the same day of the worst sailing conditions. We spent 6 hours throwing up together. Him into the sink, and me into the toilet. We spent $200 to see the inside of our cabin's bathroom. FML

#8280638
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22586) - you deserved it (3047)

On 02/15/2010 at 12:03am - love - by SeaSick (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

#12964017
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58832) - you deserved it (3047)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:23pm - animals - by jrad - United States (Georgia)

Today, the last few seconds of my 2011 was spent staring at my drunk, naked uncle pouring olive oil over himself and rubbing it in. FML

#18670300
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27509) - you deserved it (3047)

On 01/01/2012 at 1:18am - misc - by Scarred4Life - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

#19559946
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16028) - you deserved it (3047)

On 05/01/2012 at 7:43pm - misc - by Megannn (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

#20455938
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23534) - you deserved it (3047)

On 01/12/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by I'm screwed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML

#20581667
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63632) - you deserved it (3047)

On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boss called me into his office to proudly show me about an hour's worth of videos of his recent holiday. The videos were all of goats and cows eating grass outside his window in Pakistan. FML

#16324366
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27172) - you deserved it (3046)

On 05/24/2011 at 3:31am - work - by goatvideosarelame (man) - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 am because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

#17507897
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25546) - you deserved it (3046)

On 08/18/2011 at 6:02am - misc - by boyfriend123 - United States

Today, I had my first kiss with the woman I've been in love with for two years. Right as I kissed her, some guys drove by in a car and threw some soggy spaghetti at me, yelling, "Noob!" FML

#18586943
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31252) - you deserved it (3046)

On 12/23/2011 at 5:53am - love - by johncabbot25 (man) - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

#20574330
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29197) - you deserved it (3046)

On 04/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by CrazyBitch - United States (California)



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