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Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past 4 months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

#3986456
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56225) - you deserved it (3273)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:25pm - love - by Inga44 (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

#16494046
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44204) - you deserved it (3273)

On 06/04/2011 at 2:15am - work - by zain - United States (Texas)

Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML

#17927200
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26797) - you deserved it (3273)

On 10/07/2011 at 10:58am - work - by Dr.Octopus454 (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I put my ironing board away in the bathroom. After closing the door, I heard a loud noise. The board had opened up while falling over, taking up the width of the room. I can't open the door. FML

#19533059
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22831) - you deserved it (3273) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/26/2012 at 4:45pm - misc - by Magicgwen - Sent from mobile version

Today, my older brother told me that the only reason I like cats is because they control minds. I laughed. He was serious. FML

#20771105
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34414) - you deserved it (3273)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:26pm - animals - by Zoey_M - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, I had to buy a new boxcutter for work after our old one broke. It came in a box, the type which policy requires a boxcutter to open. FML

#20922948
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39628) - you deserved it (3273)

On 10/16/2013 at 5:42pm - misc - by Awahso - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

#2733384
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44911) - you deserved it (3272)

On 06/08/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by nametag (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my girlfriend and her best friend compare the dumps they take to common transportation. They comment about it on each others facebook page. My girlfriend's last one was apparently a 'coach bus'. FML

#7600232
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20645) - you deserved it (3272)

On 01/26/2010 at 10:14pm - health - by poops - United States

Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML

#18201321
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39931) - you deserved it (3272)

On 11/09/2011 at 12:20pm - work - by Anonymous - Romania (Mures)

Today, my book bag was so heavy that it set off my car's passenger detection system in the front seat. I had to buckle in my textbooks. FML

#20068805
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23150) - you deserved it (3272)

On 09/12/2012 at 12:05pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML

#19979186
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32623) - you deserved it (3272)

On 07/23/2012 at 4:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Wyoming)

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

#20494543
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37099) - you deserved it (3272)

On 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm - misc - by Experience (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home from a rough day working two jobs to find a plate of cookies on my desk with a note from my roommates saying, "You deserve it!" I happily broke one in half to eat and discovered they contained coconut. I'm allergic to coconut, a fact both of my roommates are aware of. FML

#20521168
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31092) - you deserved it (3272)

On 02/25/2013 at 12:44am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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