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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML

#51117
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46805) - you deserved it (3102)

On 02/16/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was pointing out my car to my roommate. He responded with, "Oh that one with the broken window?" Turns out my car had been broken into. They took my CD player, GPS and Ipod. On top of that they left a Reese's Fastbreak wrapper and sunflower seeds on my front seat. FML

#7324506
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21449) - you deserved it (3102)

On 01/13/2010 at 7:08pm - misc - by Eli (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I used a fire extinguisher for the first time. Too bad it was on my car. FML

#16523437
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25117) - you deserved it (3102)

On 06/06/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML

#17252613
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31518) - you deserved it (3102)

On 07/25/2011 at 10:10am - misc - by Bec (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out after spending my life's income on paying for my grandma's cancer treatment that she has been faking it. FML

#20859354
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54074) - you deserved it (3102)

On 08/29/2013 at 2:48pm - health - by scammed (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML

#6436663
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28343) - you deserved it (3101)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:07pm - health - by Foodcomesfirst (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

#14710569
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41621) - you deserved it (3101)

On 01/25/2011 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML

#18419129
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20252) - you deserved it (3101)

On 12/03/2011 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Turns out, I'm highly allergic to cherry blossoms. My wife and I just bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood. Almost every block in this neighborhood, including my own, has rows and rows of cherry blossom trees. FML

#20628272
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42082) - you deserved it (3101)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:10pm - health - by verycherryfucked (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got really excited when I got an email from a guy I've been flirting with in my math class. Turns out he thinks I stole his calculator and wants it back immediately. There goes my chance. FML

#20880890
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39189) - you deserved it (3101)

On 09/14/2013 at 1:04pm - love - by crushed (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

#12209813
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40265) - you deserved it (3100)

On 07/30/2010 at 4:00pm - work - by MLZ (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

#20069857
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28769) - you deserved it (3100)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandmother has been complaining that I spend too much on food, so I started cooking food from scratch. I happily showed her my recipe book and encouraged her to try a few. She then mocked me for wasting time by not buying frozen food. FML

#20554757
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30967) - you deserved it (3100)

On 03/22/2013 at 6:49am - money - by Anonymous - United States



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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