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Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

#20914768
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36189) - you deserved it (2763)

On 10/10/2013 at 1:25am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, it was my father's wedding. He never really cared for me, and his fiancée is my age, but I thought it would mean a lot to him if I went. I was supposed to wait for his call the day before, so he would give me directions and tell me when it starts. He never called. FML

#4899875
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45665) - you deserved it (2762)

On 08/29/2009 at 3:21am - misc - by kkiv (woman) - Poland (Warszawa)

Today, my car got acquainted with about 3 dozen eggs. FML

#17924502
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20176) - you deserved it (2762)

On 10/06/2011 at 11:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my aunt and uncle stole $584 from me, since I'm moving out. Their reasoning? I stole things. When I asked what I'd stolen, my aunt looked me straight in the eye and said "Milk Duds." FML

#17566014
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29979) - you deserved it (2763)

On 08/24/2011 at 4:03am - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML

#17696779
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21640) - you deserved it (2762)

On 09/08/2011 at 2:03pm - misc - by WishIWasAWriter (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

#19164733
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29551) - you deserved it (2762)

On 02/26/2012 at 12:16am - kids - by whattabrat - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents kindly told me what they are getting me for my 18th birthday. An eviction notice. FML

#20170511
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18558) - you deserved it (2762)

On 11/20/2012 at 1:47am - kids - by lea5459 - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dentist dropped dead of a heart attack. This depressing event was made worse by the fact that he collapsed while his hands were in my mouth. FML

Today, my manager mentioned that she'd hired a "cute boy" to help me out at work with paperwork. The "cute boy" was my ex-fiancé and now I have to be with him in an office for 30 some hours a week while his current fiancée brings him lunch everyday. FML

#5897487
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43382) - you deserved it (2761)

On 10/19/2009 at 3:37pm - love - by Alyssa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I offered to drive my girlfriend's grandpa to the doctor. I thus learned my girlfriend's grandfather has a colostomy bag when it burst all over the inside of my truck. FML

#16247260
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31059) - you deserved it (2761)

On 05/19/2011 at 12:27am - misc - by John -

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML

#20032910
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25355) - you deserved it (2761)

On 08/20/2012 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by majorlyturnedoff (woman) - United States

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML

#19932634
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24554) - you deserved it (2761)

On 07/13/2012 at 1:08pm - kids - by Marjorie (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist. I'm scheduled for a conscious sedation appointment with him in two hours and I'm terrified of what I might say or do while I'm under. FML

#20423262
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25465) - you deserved it (2761)

On 12/26/2012 at 9:05am - health - by ugh - United States (Ohio)



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