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Today, we got my dad an iPad for his birthday. I had to repeatedly reassure him that he could in fact touch the screen without being shocked. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2013 at 5:40pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was uninvited to a bachelorette party. I wouldn't really care, if the party hadn't been for me, ahead of my wedding tomorrow. FML

by anonymous / 09/17/2013 at 1:52pm / United States / Love

Today, I got kicked out of English class shortly after our teacher told us we have to write an essay on how the storyline of Harry Potter is one big allegory for "the futility of socialism." Apparently, reacting with disbelief makes me a "disruptive influence." FML

by WTF? / 10/03/2013 at 12:42pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML

by We raised that fool / 08/06/2014 at 9:21am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Kids

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

by seethroughpee / 05/06/2015 at 1:22am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I paid $500 for a gym membership after moving into a brand new house, since 12 years of software development has taken its toll. When I told my instructor about my goal to lose 35lbs in two months, he simply said, "Yeah... That's not going to happen. Try another gym," and left promptly. FML

by samsterling / 03/13/2016 at 6:30pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend at her mom's birthday party, in front of her whole family. They even got it on video. FML

by Marlon / 12/11/2010 at 3:18am / United States / Love

Today, I found out that instead of being stationed in Afghanistan, my husband of 9 years has been "stationed" at his other girlfriend's house. FML

by AlwaysGottaFML / 08/20/2011 at 3:26am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, due to awkward circumstances, I am living with my ex-girlfriend and her new girlfriend. FML

by Junkiegamer / 04/27/2015 at 10:20am / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a customer opened with "you open bottles with them thangs?" I look around my desk for something he might confuse with an actual bottle opener. His girlfriend then informs me he is talking about my breasts. I work for a bank. FML

by bottlepoppin / 03/01/2009 at 9:31pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I offered my seat to an elderly lady on the subway. She quietly refused. Minutes later on a sharp turn, she almost fell down on two people. Clearly the youngest in the disability seating section, everyone on the train turned and glared at me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2009 at 12:42am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML

by Spotted / 02/18/2009 at 5:09pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Kids

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 7:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous