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Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML

#51117
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47211) - you deserved it (3150)

On 02/16/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19790) - you deserved it (3150)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said, "Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML

#8433331
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25909) - you deserved it (3150)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:32am - misc - by GeneralElement (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

#13357466
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28845) - you deserved it (3150)

On 10/07/2010 at 7:37pm - misc - by toyotasmash - United States

Today, while at a family gathering for New Years, my aunt said she needed a flat surface to write on. My dad immediately piped up, "Why don't you use Samantha's chest?" I'm Samantha. I'm also 18. FML

#14412798
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32289) - you deserved it (3150)

On 12/31/2010 at 7:05pm - misc - by ilik3catz (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was on my way home on my bike when a lady in a 4WD cut me off while beeping her horn and calling me a "stupid f**ker who should get a proper education." In her car, she was smoking, and her three children weren't wearing seat belts. FML

#15661688
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35840) - you deserved it (3150)

On 04/06/2011 at 3:43am - misc - by faza4327 (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, a client refused to pay after I mowed her lawn. Her reasoning? I had entered her basement "without permission." I require on-site equipment be provided, and she kept her mower in her basement. I only knew it was in the basement because she'd showed me, and told me where the key was. FML

#20653784
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49917) - you deserved it (3150)

On 05/10/2013 at 4:24am - work - by Wealthyparrot (man) - United States

Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

#20775381
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53156) - you deserved it (3150)

On 07/11/2013 at 12:52am - health - by frustrated - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I corrected my mom in front of our family while she was ragging on my 12 year old cousin who got a piercing. She said, "You don't understand you don't have kids, but on the other hand you probably never will!" I have Polycystic ovary syndrome, she is right, I probably never will. FML

#4783460
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57871) - you deserved it (3149)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:43pm - health - by fannyfitel123 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, we got our family pictures back from the printers. I complained to my mom about the ones she picked. "Oh don't worry," she said. "I had them photoshop out your gut." I was talking about my smile. FML

#7292547
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20081) - you deserved it (3149)

On 01/12/2010 at 12:11am - misc - by Me (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, after much reluctance due to fear of causing a huge debate, I finally posted something on Facebook about the presidential debates. However, the post sparked an argument with my mom's childhood best friend, that ended with her telling me that my dad isn't actually my dad. FML

#20120633
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26979) - you deserved it (3149)

On 10/17/2012 at 2:22am - misc - by bastardchild_01 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my boss was fired by the board. A few days ago, he dropped several strong hints that he was going to promote me soon. FML

#21133376
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42858) - you deserved it (3149)

On 05/07/2014 at 4:57pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - India (Jammu and Kashmir)

Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML

#16757277
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30905) - you deserved it (3148)

On 06/20/2011 at 1:57am - misc - by firethorn - United States (Texas)



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