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Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

#19540366
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28367) - you deserved it (3194)

On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I got laid off from work. I was being escorted to the elevator when another coworker stepped inside. He said, "How goes it?". I said, "It goes". Then he said, "At least we have a job". FML

#761537
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65502) - you deserved it (3193)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by Dude - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML

#19603084
411 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58771) - you deserved it (3193)

On 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after feeling a little down about myself and looking for comfort from my boyfriend, he told me that my stretch marks make me look like a tiger. FML

#19967634
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21456) - you deserved it (3193)

On 07/21/2012 at 11:08am - love - by marquez_jasmine - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML

#12926382
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32877) - you deserved it (3192)

On 09/06/2010 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said: "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML

#13339943
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32818) - you deserved it (3192)

On 10/06/2010 at 4:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I had an hour-long massage, meditated for while and was finally feeling good. Then I had to call an ambulance for my idiot father who had managed to get alcohol poisoning. FML

#15062503
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26260) - you deserved it (3192)

On 02/21/2011 at 5:22am - misc - by meme71 -

Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML

#20665723
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46554) - you deserved it (3192)

On 05/15/2013 at 7:45pm - love - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I work at a food joint as a chef, and a customer found a long strand of hair in her food. The manager blamed me, even though I'm bald. FML

#21117573
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43876) - you deserved it (3192)

On 04/19/2014 at 10:39pm - work - by notmine (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

#21306857
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33761) - you deserved it (3192)

On 11/27/2014 at 1:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML

#14671096
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38399) - you deserved it (3191)

On 01/22/2011 at 5:03am - intimacy - by Theaccident (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I arrived at the beach for a week's vacation. I walk on the beach only to find they are "rebuilding" it. They have heavy machinery all over the place, they work 24/7, and this only happens every 15 years. Glad I picked this week. FML

#17394480
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24691) - you deserved it (3191)

On 08/07/2011 at 3:22am - misc - by me - United States

Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML

#20696605
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55696) - you deserved it (3191)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:20am - love - by wtf mom - United States (California)



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