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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

#17652059
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28447) - you deserved it (3040)

On 09/03/2011 at 10:36am - kids - by abby181 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got my car cleaned. As I drove home, the passenger of the van in front of me vomited out the window. The vomit sailed back and splattered all over the front of my car. A waste of £10 and a mental image that will never go away. FML

#21121715
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36709) - you deserved it (3039)

On 04/24/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Angus)

Today, my boss is still refusing to hire any more people because he's convinced I can handle all of the work after the majority of staff quit. FML

#21217678
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39891) - you deserved it (3039)

On 07/22/2014 at 8:51pm - work - by Inthedumps (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34078) - you deserved it (3039)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

#13621862
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43686) - you deserved it (3038)

On 10/28/2010 at 12:27am - love - by heshay - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

#15308003
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31897) - you deserved it (3038)

On 03/14/2011 at 1:22pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I received a cute letter in my locker. It was in German, so I used Google translate. Apparently, someone hopes I choke on big fat cock. FML

#19078471
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28209) - you deserved it (3038)

On 02/14/2012 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by kittens go meow - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

#20638400
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44547) - you deserved it (3038)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:35am - work - by clutzasaurus (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, we got a new employee at work. I said hi, and told her that if she needed help figuring out our computer system, then to give me a call. She promptly accused me of sexual harassment and filed a complaint against me. FML

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

#20892589
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38034) - you deserved it (3038)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:15am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went on a drive with my girlfriend when we went past a 'Dead End' sign. She pointed to it and said it was "Foreshadowing our relationship". FML

#13754319
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29130) - you deserved it (3037)

On 11/07/2010 at 4:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in McDonalds with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, 'Whoa, you're really pretty.' No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, 'Wow. He must have been drunk.' FML

#13836809
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29666) - you deserved it (3037)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:39am - misc - by ugly (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML

#14124824
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20417) - you deserved it (3037)

On 12/07/2010 at 9:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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