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Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 5:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML

by rachaaaaeul / 08/06/2010 at 3:07am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I missed my bus, so I walked home in the rain from school, only to realize my mom had been following me the whole time in the car, laughing her ass off. FML

by me / 09/07/2011 at 7:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, my mom put me in an anger management class because I said "crap." FML

by siikman313 / 09/12/2011 at 5:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was mopping the floor at the hotel I work at. Before I could react, a gentleman stormed through the corridor and slipped and fell on the still wet floor. He complained to the owner, who bitched me out just to satisfy the guy. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2013 at 4:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML

by shit.jpg / 08/25/2015 at 3:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 8:28pm / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I just pulled out of the fast food drive through, only to pull right behind a septic truck. Just as I was about to dig into my food, I noticed it had a handy window about a foot round. I had a stare-down with a turd until I could pass. FML

by Goatbeard / 02/15/2011 at 12:13pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 3:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me all about how his parents sat him down last night and had a 20 minute talk with him about how I'm the biggest mistake he'll ever make. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2013 at 12:01am / United States / Love

Today, my university considered it an "embarrassment" that I was going to be the first and only person to graduate from my engineering course, so they gave free passes to two guys who hadn't finished their thesis yet. They were congratulated in the newspaper; I wasn't. FML

Today, my anxiety was escalating so I decided to try an anti-anxiety adult coloring book to calm myself down. Too bad I got more stressed out about which colors I should use. FML

Today, I swapped seats with someone on a ferry so she could sit next to her friend. Minutes later, a child sitting behind me threw up on my head, while the girl I had swapped with and her friend laughed hysterically as I attempted to wipe the puke from my hair. FML

by littlemisstiny / 08/29/2009 at 4:48am / Ireland (Dublin) / Kids