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Today, as I walked into McDonald's with my mom, she glanced at me and said, "Smells like your future." FML

by anonymous / 12/24/2014 at 6:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving us all characters opposite of ourselves to portray in an improv solo. My friends got cool things like "creepy" and "vulnerable". I got "extremely sexy". FML

by apparentlyunsexy / 10/27/2011 at 12:00am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while arriving to a date for the first time in a couple years, the first thing out of his mouth was, "I'm only dressed up because I had court today." FML

by anonymous / 10/09/2014 at 6:09pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my neighbors were busted for a meth lab in their garage. Yesterday, I signed the mortgage. Welcome to our new neighborhood, kids. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2009 at 1:51am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML

by abercrombieef / 08/27/2009 at 7:57pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because I'm in the military and I'm gone too much. The reason I enlisted in the first place is because we agreed that the money and benefits I would earn would help us be able to start a family in the future. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a shoe store. I picked up a shoe so I could look at it, but when I put it back on the shelf, the whole shelf fell down, making all the shoes fall to the ground. The people behind the counter started clapping. FML

by shoes / 01/01/2010 at 9:45pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my co-worker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML

by psychworker / 12/15/2009 at 1:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I found out my parents are getting divorced. They're fighting over the dog instead of my sister and me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2010 at 12:29pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

by mwja / 02/26/2011 at 5:59pm / Health

Today, my boyfriend of five years was in a bad car crash, and ended up with a concussion. He didn't remember me. At all. But he remembered his other girlfriend he had cheated on me with for two months. FML

by Nicoli / 11/10/2011 at 1:22pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my neighbours kicked my football back over the fence. They'd slashed it and taped a note to the remains that said, "Do it again and it'll be your face." Now I'm scared to play football in my own backyard. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2011 at 8:25pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

by romance sucks. / 12/18/2013 at 4:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Love