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Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML

by errrmkl46 / 12/02/2009 at 1:25am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 8:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

by anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:53am / United States / Kids

Today, my mom and I flew three hours from Wyoming to a volleyball camp in Kentucky. When we arrived, we went to the volleyball center and told them I was there for the volleyball camp. They told me it had been cancelled two weeks ago and they forgot to call us. FML

by maddengirl12 / 02/20/2014 at 3:57am / United States / Transportation

Today, my coworker and I announced that we are spending our holidays together, because we both have kids. My boss announced he is coming with us. FML

by Carnage23 / 11/22/2014 at 5:16am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Work

Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2009 at 1:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got my period. 10 minutes into a 3 hour exam. Apparently they are serious when they say you may not leave the room under any circumstances. FML

by cramps / 09/17/2009 at 9:59am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

by pussystroker / 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 8:11am / Japan / Health

Today, my colleague and I played yet another wonderful game of 'Tapeworm or Toilet Paper?' in the homeless shelter's toilets we were asked to clean. FML

by whydoidothis / 10/03/2014 at 7:29am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, my boyfriend commented on one of his his ex-girlfriend's Facebook photos, saying how smoking hot she looks and how much he wants her. His excuse was that the photo was posted before he was with me, so he's clearly doing nothing wrong. FML

by annie_xox / 02/20/2015 at 9:39am / United Kingdom (Neath Port Talbot) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

by Michele / 01/17/2010 at 7:32pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was walking down my very steep basement stairs when I fell and rolled all the way down but luckily I didn't hurt anything. While walking back up around the very last stair, my cat jumped out on me, causing me to roll all the way back down. FML

by catattack78 / 10/21/2010 at 10:48am / United States (Maryland) / Health