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Today, at my job as a bouncer at a music venue, a guy got his nose broken in a rowdy mosh pit. When I went to help him up and see if he was okay, he said, "It was an accident, please don't kick me out," but the word "please" came out as a hot spray of his blood across my face. FML

#21095237
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36960) - you deserved it (3084)

On 03/24/2014 at 2:53pm - work - by bloodyhell - United States (Colorado)

Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML

#5643863
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43154) - you deserved it (3083)

On 10/04/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Foufinator - Sent from mobile version

Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML

#7278236
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25472) - you deserved it (3083)

On 01/11/2010 at 1:08pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML

#14160868
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27877) - you deserved it (3083)

On 12/11/2010 at 12:16am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend asked my father for permission to marry me. My father refused, on the basis that I'm the only person in the house with a job, and if I leave he will have to start looking for work. My boyfriend won't marry me without his permission, and my lazy father won't change his mind. FML

#17926185
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39171) - you deserved it (3083)

On 10/07/2011 at 5:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been "single" on numerous occasions during our 9 month relationship. FML

#18029239
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30257) - you deserved it (3083)

On 10/20/2011 at 2:56am - intimacy - by SpikeStanley - United States

Today, I was shopping when I suddenly slipped on the wet floor and my basket and my groceries were flung everywhere. Moments later, one of the cleaners walked over holding a "wet floor" sign, saw me and laughed. FML

#21229760
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39803) - you deserved it (3083)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:52am - misc - by ms98 - Australia (South Australia)

Today, it's my birthday. When I asked my mom if we were gonna do anything special for my birthday. She said, "don't lie to me. It's not your birthday." FML

#21238688
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44148) - you deserved it (3082)

On 08/16/2014 at 1:09am - misc - by bad birthdays - United States (California)

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

#13415176
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22516) - you deserved it (3081)

On 10/12/2010 at 12:48am - intimacy - by tdiz - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. 5 minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML

#20074281
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17828) - you deserved it (3081)

On 09/16/2012 at 8:36am - misc - by kacie smith - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend and best friend decided to "help" by assembling my new front porch while I was away. Ecstatic, they displayed their handiwork. It's charming how the porch is precariously balanced, it leans in such a way that it appears it will fall over if you walk through the front door. FML

#20876742
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35657) - you deserved it (3081)

On 09/11/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was on a three hour flight to Los Angeles for a corporate meeting. The woman next to me instantly fell asleep and snored louder than a freight train, while the kid behind me made a hobby of thashing my seat from behind. When I peered over and asked him to stop, he spat in my face. FML

#15887024
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32184) - you deserved it (3080)

On 04/22/2011 at 2:43pm - work - by Ashleigh - United States (Connecticut)



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