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Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML

#14948689
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35118) - you deserved it (3017)

On 02/12/2011 at 11:29am - intimacy - by KaraAnn17 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

#18069827
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28855) - you deserved it (3017)

On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had a big argument with my girlfriend, after she tried to stop me going home, even though it was already past my curfew. I got home, only to find out I'm grounded for staying out late, and dumped for being "inconsiderate". FML

#20104336
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21646) - you deserved it (3017)

On 10/06/2012 at 2:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

#20626458
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42820) - you deserved it (3018)

On 04/27/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a customer came in who only spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish rather well so I helped the customer. She ended up buying $2300 worth of stuff. I got written up because not speaking English apparently "has the potential be offensive to other customers if they are not able to understand you". FML

#5033562
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52937) - you deserved it (3016)

On 09/04/2009 at 12:31am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school saying "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits". FML

#6719670
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28427) - you deserved it (3016)

On 12/12/2009 at 6:02am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

#5724132
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41821) - you deserved it (3015)

On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

#5227356
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38137) - you deserved it (3015)

On 09/13/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Casden (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, while putting on makeup, I got a face full of bloody scratches instead of an even skin tone. Turns out my makeup sponge was full of bits of glass. My little brother forgot to tell me he shattered a mirror beside my makeup box. FML

#6316849
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32719) - you deserved it (3015)

On 11/15/2009 at 8:46pm - kids - by redisnotmycolor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a 1 day cruise to the Bahamas. It happened to be on the same day of the worst sailing conditions. We spent 6 hours throwing up together. Him into the sink, and me into the toilet. We spent $200 to see the inside of our cabin's bathroom. FML

#8280638
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22200) - you deserved it (3015)

On 02/15/2010 at 12:03am - love - by SeaSick (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, when I excitedly announced to my mother-in-law that I was pregnant, she looked at me with a blank expression and asked me who the father was. She's 45. She's not senile or suffering from dementia, but apparently just suffering from being a chronic bitch. FML

#18834443
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34593) - you deserved it (3015)

On 01/17/2012 at 12:04pm - misc - by littlelottie - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom decided to follow me during my driving test. She rear ended me. FML

#21092226
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41873) - you deserved it (3015)

On 03/20/2014 at 11:04pm - misc - by nehadrihan - United States (California)

Today, I was in McDonalds with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, 'Whoa, you're really pretty.' No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, 'Wow. He must have been drunk.' FML

#13836809
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29467) - you deserved it (3014)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:39am - misc - by ugly (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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