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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

#17583731
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23464) - you deserved it (3179)

On 08/26/2011 at 3:35am - love - by EpicMayonnaise (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

#7541135
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40585) - you deserved it (3178)

On 01/24/2010 at 9:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML

#14160868
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28790) - you deserved it (3179)

On 12/11/2010 at 12:16am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home to find a note on my door. I thought it was from my elderly disabled neighbors thanking me for cleaning off their snow covered car, since about 6 inches came down. It was from them, only it said I owed them for damages to their car. Damages that were already there. FML

#14738891
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28521) - you deserved it (3178)

On 01/28/2011 at 12:24am - misc - by kittyd (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

#18199894
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19970) - you deserved it (3178)

On 11/09/2011 at 5:57am - misc - by LukeyBoy - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my dad and I had a yelling match about me "lying", because I was unable to contact iTunes support without a phone number. To prove a point, he went online to find the phone number. It's been an hour and he's still searching for the number. I can't leave the table until he has found it. FML

#20891277
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39717) - you deserved it (3178)

On 09/22/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by SeriouslyDad (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. We are on a cruise together. She has already found another room to sleep in. FML

#20899028
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48722) - you deserved it (3178)

On 09/28/2013 at 11:21am - love - by Christian (man) - United States

Today, my sister teased me about being a mistake baby. When I told my mom what my sister said, her response was "I still love you anyway". FML

#21737
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34655) - you deserved it (3177)

On 02/10/2009 at 6:41pm - misc - by melissa (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML

#901011
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64334) - you deserved it (3177)

On 04/10/2009 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got demoted from my manager's position, only to be replaced by a 21 year old who has never worked in retail in her life. I now have to spend the next month teaching her my job so they can fire me. FML

#15049361
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32478) - you deserved it (3177)

On 02/20/2011 at 6:49am - work - by lisha182 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mother told my little sister and me that she has breast cancer to make us feel sorry so that we would clean our rooms. She is perfectly fine. My little sister still thinks that "mommy is going to die". FML

#16787044
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39774) - you deserved it (3177)

On 06/21/2011 at 7:51pm - health - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at work, I suddenly went into diabetic shock. As I was nearly passed out on the floor, a customer yelled at me for not getting his coffee in time. FML

#16576364
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39064) - you deserved it (3177)

On 06/09/2011 at 10:25am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML

#17927200
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25763) - you deserved it (3177)

On 10/07/2011 at 10:58am - work - by Dr.Octopus454 (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)



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