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Today, while going to lunch with my boss, he asked me to check and see if the other lane was clear. When I did, he swerved hard, making me smack my head into the door window. This is apparently his new favorite thing to do. FML

by Daniel / 06/27/2010 at 3:43am / United States / Work

Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "my mom is SO awesome." FML

by ooblie / 12/08/2010 at 3:22am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my boss let me know that I'm being laid off, via a text message that ended in "lmao". FML

by soon to be unemployed / 01/28/2014 at 5:36pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Work

Today, one of my two roommates moved out without warning after we discovered that the rent hadn't been paid in full in a month, the utility bill hadn't been paid in two months, and the electric bill hadn't been paid in three months. We found out when the power was turned off. FML

by Dissent21 / 06/05/2015 at 5:29pm / United States (Idaho) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend told me I should finish school early and get a job so we can get married, because then he'll have enough money to buy the truck he's had his eyes on for our whole relationship. FML

by Ginger / 10/03/2010 at 2:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 3:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a Justin Bieber shrine in my daughter's closet. FML

by unfortunateMother / 09/18/2012 at 3:51pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Kids

Today, I realized that my dog is a pro at pooping directly in shoes. FML

by new dog / 09/13/2014 at 11:38pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals

Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and penis beg to differ. FML

by HeShe / 09/06/2009 at 1:10pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML

by Notthatone / 04/21/2015 at 7:00pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I found a baby squirrel on the pavement and thought I'd try and rescue it. While I googled what to do, it started running around. I tried to grab it, but it ran straight into the path of a car. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2015 at 12:48pm / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex when he stopped responding. Five minutes later and ready to hang up, he apologized because he got distracted with his game of Tetris. FML

by Jamie / 03/10/2010 at 3:29pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy