Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, I went speed dating. I arrived at my first date and she looked me up and down and said, "Oh, that's awkward." FML

by nikto / 06/02/2011 at 9:01pm / Love

Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M and M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages. FML

by kirstiexoxo / 02/07/2012 at 3:11am / United States / Money

Today, I blacked out at a wedding as a bridesmaid, during the service. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2012 at 10:53pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

by Teddy / 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML

by 4_and_20_blackbits / 08/26/2013 at 4:38am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my boyfriend dresses in my underwear and tights, takes suggestive shots of his ass and legs, and uses them to trick people into thinking he's a girl so they buy him stuff in his online games. FML

by mybfthecrossdresser / 01/20/2015 at 10:08am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream "Don't take me, take my children!" FML

by lm / 05/20/2009 at 4:49pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my period. 10 minutes into a 3 hour exam. Apparently they are serious when they say you may not leave the room under any circumstances. FML

by cramps / 09/17/2009 at 9:59am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, after moving in with a couple of vegan zoologists a few weeks ago, I discover that they don't believe that we have the right to kill cockroaches, and will not allow me to do so. The house is infested, and it's spread to my bedroom. FML

by Stevski / 09/11/2012 at 11:08am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML

by nomorecleaning / 03/16/2013 at 8:17am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML

by poorman / 08/11/2014 at 3:54pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2015 at 8:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

by pussystroker / 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Intimacy